Best nap day yet?

Dear Khoa and an,

Today, little sis has a good nap day with 2 hrs in the morning, 1 in the afternoon, and now taking your third nap. Mommy spent a lot of time with you in the sun since you really hate the trivitamins drops and I am hoping that you will sleep at night better with the dose of c sunshine.  The last few nights have been really late for you (8:20 pm) and you are up by 6:40 am. You still show some resistance at nap time, but much better than what happened on Sunday. If we can get an hr in, then we can all have some family bonding time when big brother comes home.  You are very sweet these days and you love to be constantly in momma's attention. You can certainly grasp on to objects now. Today, you were fascinated with the rainbow fish book, so mommy keeps reading it to you. I think you like all the silvery scales. You are also good at scooting yourself around. Your infectious laughs just make your whole family melt to pieces. Big brother really miss you too.

Big brother has been having a lot of nightmares lately, which pain mommy and daddy to no ends. We wish we don't have to drop you off at school as it is the most difficult task. Daddy says you show no resistance but you are not happy. The crying every morning hurts too. I am not sure whether it's because of school or just your adjustment process overall. We see a little change in personality - you are much more cranky when you don't get what you want and would even cry a little. Mommy and little sis picked you up yesterday and you were simply the happiest boy in the whole wide world.  Since spring is here and the day is longer, we spend a lot of time outside for you to ride bicycle, your car, and play in the park. You are going thru a cold so last night mommy spent a lot of time just laying next to you while you restlessly sleep as you couldn't breathe well. Mommy still misses you so much and think of you constantly when I am away from you.

I love you both so so much.

Happy 29 months my precious son

Dear Khoa and an,

My precious baby is 29 months today and I love you more and more everyday. I love you the most of out all the people in this whole world. You are still struggling to get used to school and miss hanging out with your parents so much.  Every time I have to be with baby sister, you would say I want to be with you mommy, and it just breaks my heart that I cannot spend more time with you. Yesterday, mommy and big brother went to toy r us and you had so much fun playing train, riding tricycle, scooter, rollerblade, pushing stroller, but the most fun was when you played with the tractors. You are such a classic boy who loves trucks and cars so so much. You are just so so sweet I cannot even describe how much I love you. You are singing so much and you love to read books with mommy. You also like to read books to mommy which is nothing short of cuteness either. Even though you look like such a big boy, you are still my precious baby who I love love so so much. After two days of being home, you had to go back to school and cried your whole way there, but we have to do this. It hurts so much to hear you cry, to let you go...

Something is going on with little sister again. You are waking up at the wee hours of the morning again. Yesterday was the worse in terms of daytime nap. Nothing would soothe you and you only slept for maybe an hour all day. You were so exhausted but wouldn't fall asleep. Mommy was so frustrated that I gave up. Whatever it is that you are going thru, I hope it will past us soon. I was so mad at you, but at night when you were peacefully sleeping, I simply adored you as I was laying next to you, my precious one. You were so calm as there was not a single care in the world. How can we get you to sleep like that all the time? Today, you keep sleeping for 30' and waking up crying so mommy had to let you uncomfortably sleep in moby. Hoping this nap will last a long time....

Love you both very very much.

Dear Khoa and Mai an,

Mommy has been so bad at writing. Let me blame it on the emotional toll of being away from big brother and little sister's nap resistance. This week big brother went to school for four days straight, which was hard for both of us. Mommy keeps thinking about big brothe all day long. Sometimes, I am at loss with what to do, maybe take care of little sister perhaps. One day, the sister told us that they were telling a story about mothers and big brother shed a few tears. When you were comforted, you cried even harder and vomited. Hearing that story just breaks my heart and makes me even more guilty about sending you to preschool. You are still adjusting to school; I can tell that you dread it every morning, but it's like you don't have a choice. I don't get to spend much time with you when you are at school, which adds to my guilt of course.  We usually go to the park when you come home for some mommy and Khoa time.  You really enjoy the monkey bar, scooter, watching older kids play soccer these days.  On happier note, you still amaze me with your ability to remember things I tell you, songs that you sing... Just being with you make me so happy with your cuteness. Yesterday, we went to petsmart to get you some fishes. You love going there just to see the different animals. You love to tap on the fish tank to get the fish to move. You went to your first Easter egg hunt last week; it was just so cute to watch you pick the eggs.  Currently, you love to say "khong thi thoi" when we ask you to do something, but you don't want to do it. It's very cute to hear you say it.  Ever since you started school, you are not resisting nap anymore. The bad thing is you don't nap for that long at school, but we don't have a choice.

As for little sister, you have grown quite strong with your ability to maneuver with your body. You can roll from one side of bed to another. You can also push mommy away when you are full. No more nursing to sleep. You are quite hard to soothe to sleep, which frustrate mommy to no end. Sometimes, I really lost my patience and you totally sense that frustration and become even more fussy. So, what I have learned is to take you outside for a change in environment and both of us tend to be better. Last night, you woke up at 3 am again and I couldn't soothe you back to sleep again. Hopefully, you don't wake up at these hours anymore. The waking up after 30' at bedtime is gone (hopefully), but you still wake up a lot at night. Usually mommy is just too tired so I don't even bother to count how often. Naps range from 3.5-4.5 hrs and nighttime is from 11-12 hrs. You also started crawling somewhat. You love to be held and doesn't want to be by yourself at all.  Today, we gave you a few tasting of vanilla yogurt, which you tried but not enough to ask for more. Still no teeth yet even though you are always drooling. You are so very good at peeing and pooping in the toilet, much far exceeds mommy and daddy's expectations. It's getting warm so you usually go diaper free when you are awake. You laugh all the Time if you are in a good mood and love to look at yourself in the mirror.

That's all updates for now while little girl is taking morning nap and big brother is out with daddy.

Love you both so so much.

6th day of preschool

Dear Khoa & Mai An,

Today was Big Brother's sixth day at preschool. Every morning, Big Brother would cry and refuse to leave the house. You would walk up to Mommy and say that "today, daddy will go to work and I will stay home with mommy and baby an", and Mommy would pretend like I didn't hear what you just said, because not soon enough Daddy would swift you up the floor and buckle you in the car seat to depart for school. I would then cry while hearing the garage closes and knowing that you are now in a stranger's hand, at a strange place, and all I want to do is run after and pick you up into my arm's again, but I can't. I have to let you learn since in less than a month I have to return to work. All throughout the day, I would feel so much guilt and I think about you constantly (all the while all I want to do is to go pick you up). It has been rough for all of us - hopefully it will get easier soon. Seeing you so happy when I finally get to pick you up at the end of the day just give me so much gladness. You would sing all the way on the way back, asking Mommy about the cars and trucks that you see on the way. You are always very hungry so just seeing you happily eating would make me so so fulfilled. Today was the first day that you didn't vomit at school. However, you are still not sleeping very long, which means you go to sleep very early at night. I feel like I am not spending any time with you since I have to put Little Sister to sleep when you come home (which gives me more guilt).  Since tomorrow is the beginning of Holy Week, you will have time off and the three of us will be home again. It shall be fiasco again, but we will see.

Little Sister had your 2-4am woke up again after giving Mommy a break for a while. It has been quite difficult to put you to sleep (both during daytime and night time). Even though without Big Brother at home, you are not sleeping a whole lot more (3-4 hours).  You have learned to push Mommy away, even though it doesn't mean that you will sleep by yourself (something very new since you turned six months old). I don't want to "force" you to sleep, but if this pattern continues then we will have resort to that so that you will get the rest you need. It has been fun to hang out at home with just you alone, though you tend to be very clingy. Mommy doesn't get a whole lot done even with just you alone.  You always to be seeing Mommy, so I have to scratch away any plan to clean the house. We do a lot of reading when you are awake and toilet training (something that you are very very good at). Mommy has been taking naps with you during the day, so it is nice to be able to sleep with you and hold you in my embrace. Mommy will take you on walks (though short ones) in the morning (while thinking about Big Brother). Tomorrow, you will have your six month check-up. I am sorry that we will have to give you shots.  Even though Mommy was very frustrated with your sleeping today, i love it when I hold you in my arm and seeing you asleep peacefully. It is the best feeling in the world. I always try to remind myself that in a month I will no longer have this precious time.

Today, I try to savor every moment that i get to spend with each of you, my precious ones and how much I love you while you both are my precious little ones. Love love you both so so much.    

children discovery museum

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Today, Big Brother and Mommy went to the children discovery museum while daddy stayed at home with Little Sister. We had so so much fun; big brother was very excited and enjoyed yourself so much. Everything was overwhelming at first, but you adjusted quickly and wanted to try all the different game/activity. Your favorite was probably the water show and the sand activity. We also tried some painting, at which the lady in charge said that you were very smart. Seeing you so happy made Mommy very happy. I was beyond ecstatic to be able to spend some time with you. We truly had a wonderful bonding day and I loved every bit of it. We will try to go more often as your sister gets a little older so you can both enjoy it. At nap time, you still showed some nap resistance, which is understandable since you spent the last three days at preschool and surely missed being in the comfort of home. I am glad to say that I did not lose my temper and literally beg you to sleep, which I have found that there is no point in getting mad at you (result is always the same as in you are in control of when you go sleep).  You keep asking Mommy to read you books, tell you stories, which lasted until 3pm when you gave up. At school, you are not sleeping more than 2 hours, so today you woke up exactly 2 hours later. After that, we all went to church as a family, which was a little too late for Little Sister (who became very fussy in the car ride home). Today, I feel so wonderful just being with you, just seeing you smile, just seeing you being you. I am just so happy to spend time with you; it doesn't matter what you do.  I have thoroughly missed being with you. I think about you so much during the day, wondering what you are doing now when you are at school, away from me :(    

Little Sister had a rough day on Friday with not much sleep at all (total of 2.5 hours the whole day). At night, you cried a lot. I think you are going through teething as you are continuously drooling, but I am not sure. The good thing is that you didn't stay up in the middle of the night last night. You woke up at 6:20 and then went to bed again at 7-8am. I was so relieved to finally had a good long night of sleep. You might have awoken in the night, but I honestly don't remember. Today, Daddy tried to offer the bottle again, but it wasn't successful again. Daddy said that you slept for an hour in the morning, 2.5 hours in the afternoon. You went to sleep at 5:30, but woke up at 6:38 so we went to the 7pm mass. You were asleep for the night at 8:40. Tonight hasn't been smooth so far - hopefully it will turn out better (like last night). Maybe you are still teething as you are still crying even though you are asleep.

Today Mommy and Daddy just have an overwhelming sense of happiness with the presence of both of you in our lives. You give us so much meaning. We love you so so much. Sleep tight my loves.

2nd day of preschool

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Today was Big Brother's 2nd day at preschool and Mommy and Little Sister sure miss Big Brother like crazy when we are just by ourselves. I keep thinking about what Big Brother would be doing right now all throughout the day.The sister said that you really missed Daddy today and wanted to wait for Daddy to ring the bell in the afternoon. You slept for about an hour and a half, which is less than you would at home, but hopefully you will learn to feel more secure and sleep longer as time goes on. My heart hurt so much when I heard that you are missing your family and home. I feel so terrible for putting you through this. I still have a month left of leave, and I am already putting you in preschool. It's because we don't know how you will adjust and things were just so rough at home with both of you needing a lot of my attention. I have so many mixed feelings, mainly guilt for putting you through this. I hope one day you will be able to understand and forgive me.

Little Sister's morning nap is still not quite set yet, but Mommy and Little Sister did take a 2:40 nap in the afternoon, which was very nice. In the morning, you only took a 30' nap, and a 50' nap, so Mommy will try to help you sleep longer in the morning. I try to force you, but you often vomit, so please cooperate with me my sweet dear daughter.  Tonight was rough, you didn't fully fall asleep until 8:30 pm. I don't think you have ever been up that late. Don't know what was going on tonight that whatever I did to soothe you, you would not go to sleep. As a result, Mommy didn't get a chance to spend time with Big Brother at all. Maybe you sense that Mommy really wanted to get away so I can read book to Big Brother...  Even though it has only been two hours, you have awoken a lot. Mommy is hoping this is just a phase and your sleep will improve in the coming days. Maybe you are teething??? You drool a lot during the day but you don't cry, so I am not sure. The fussiness is mainly at night, but it's not crying, it is just not sleeping. Some nights, I try to give you Tylenol, but you don't really like that either. I think last night was a little better than the previous night in that you woke up but went back to sleep sooner than the regular hour and a half like the previous three nights.  I have been trying to walk you in the morning to improve your sleep too. We go on our usual walks as I think so much about Big Brother. I really miss Big Brother being at home and cannot wait to spend some personal time with Big Brother this weekend.

Little Sister's achievement so far:

• love to look at yourself in the mirror or pictures of yourself. 
• You would call out for Mommy every time you don't see Mommy.
• Rolling over and beginning to sit by herself – we prop you up and help support sitting up, and you are getting stronger, but not quite there yet.  You are able to sit on the glider now. You are a champ at rolling
• Squeal, babble, laugh and cry very loudly
• May be afraid of unfamiliar people – you are all smiles when you are at home in your comfortable environment. 

Big Brother's first day at preschool

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Big Brother went to his first day at preschool today and he didn't cry at all. Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you. The sister said that you keep saying "you are a big boy and that you are not going to cry". She said that you ask for Mommy and Daddy, but you also patiently waited for Daddy to come back to pick you up. Mommy and Little Sister were very worried about you at home. I think Little Sister totally sensed Mommy's anxiety so she kept waking up to make sure Mommy was still there with her (though my mind was with Big Brother in spirit). I keep on checking the time to see what you would be doing at the moment. I would imagine all your anxiety (as I was going through my own anxiety) and keep praying (so so hard) that your experience wouldn't be too traumatizing. I couldn't wait for the time you would come home. My heart melted when I heard your voice on the phone. I had missed you so much my dear little boy. You came home happy (though sleep deprived), but you seem to be your normal self. Mommy is planning to spend this weekend bonding with you again since when you come home is also when I have to put Little Sister to sleep. Watching you going to preschool is definitely one of the hardest thing I have to go through. Last night, I went to kiss you good night when you were sound asleep and just watching you peacefully sleeping is one of the best feeling in the world.

Little Sister and I had a low key day at home. It is so different without Big Brother - half of the time I didn't know what to do with myself. Little Sister is still doing the thirty minutes and then waking up on the dot. You also woke up for an hour and a half last night (3:41-past 5am) and was awake for the day at 7:30. You didn't sleep well today, multiples 30 minutes nap. Even when I forced you to sleep longer, you protested by vomiting. At the last nap, I had to put you in the Baby Bjorn (since the Moby is dirty from the morning vomiting) so that you would sleep longer. Hopefully you will outgrow the sleeping in the carrier phase. Well, I am thinking that we are still adjusting - hopefully tomorrow will be better. We all have to go through a lot of adjustment in the next month or so. I thought it was gonna be a rainy day but it turned out to be a very nice day and Mommy took Little Sister out for a walk to help you sleep (but it didn't happen). We missed your "third" nap because Mommy was too anxious waiting for Big Brother to come home. As a result, settling into your night time routine was rough too. and tonight, Mommy is praying that you don't wake up in the middle of the night. It is becoming a bad habit :(  I love you very much anyway.

It has been an exciting day. Mommy will try to go to sleep early again to prepare for the night awakening again.

Much Love to my precious Son and Daughter

Jealous big brother

Dear Khoa and Mai an,

So today was marked by a lot of hitting little sister. I am not sure why big brother is acting this way all of the sudden, but it is bad all together. Little sis has it rough the whole day. I think the total hours of sleep was only about three to the max. You were so tired by the end of the day, especially since big brother took a short nap and screamed loudly as soon as he woke up. For the last three nights, you have up at 2:38 (on the dot) to past 4 am just staring into the ceiling. Hopefully, this night waking will end soon, it is making mommy too exhausted. You have been so much more moody because of the many interruptions in your life - I keep hoping that you will adjust but you still won't so your life every day is very rough. We really have to start big brother in school (though that will bring so much heartache for mommy) so that at least little sis can have some quality time with mommy. Part of mommy will be with big brother and his crying struggle but what can we do? Mommy has been so stressed out again - why can our lives be easier? I thought things were getting better but now it's hard again. Tonight I tried to spend some quality time with big brother to let him know how much I love him, as much as I love little sis too.

Now onto cleaning and getting to bed early. Hopefully no more night owl for little sis.

Love, mommy

Emotional breakdown

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Mommy has really lost it (I even cried today because I was so desperate) the last few days as Big Brother continues with nap resistance to no end. I truly understand what postpartum depression or stress is now.  Mommy has even resorted to hitting you on the hand because you continuously hit Little Sister, especially when I am holding her to sleep. Today, you continue to scream loudly into her ears while she is sleeping. I really tried to keep it cool and try not to let it affect me, but I lost my temper again. I never even realized that I can lose my temper that much - it is such a horrible side of me that I have never seen in myself. I don't want you to unravel this side of me, but what can we do? Mommy is thinking that we have to send you to school, which might backfire too. On the one hand, you will be able to learn more; and perhaps you will not display nap resistance with your teachers at preschool. Or you can totally regress and everything will be worse???  Earlier in the week, you were sleeping three hours nap, but yesterday and today, you sleep much less. Today was two hours to the dot. I think things might be better had Little Sister had not grown ever so sensitive to noise. You wake up at the tiniest sound, so much that Mommy is not eating while you sleep fearing that you will hear my heating up food.  I sometimes go for 24 hours straight without eating, and I don't even feel hungry (the stress is keeping full?). This week has been rough for your morning nap because you keep taking 30 minutes nap (simply because you cannot take it any longer and crash down). It is only in the afternoon while Big Brother that you are able to sleep one real nap (of course with Mommy holding you). At night earlier this week, you were able to fall asleep easily, but the last two days were rough. I think it is because you didn't get a long afternoon nap (since Big Brother took shorter nap). You used to be able to sleep through it all, but your nap schedule is totally dependent on your brother's schedule.

On a brighter note, Little Sister has fully mastered flipping over (there is not even a question about it). Every time I set you down, you would flip over instantly and remain stuck there. You will soon learn to do a full flip and then we will be trouble with the fear of you falling down. You are also so good at grasping things now. Big Brother loves to hand you things so you can hold them. Sometimes, the object is too big so you can't hold on to everything but you sure try. The lack of sleep is making you fussy when you are tired, otherwise you are still so sweet. Just looking at you make me feel so happy, even though I have been so stressed out.

Today, we were standing outside the fire station when a fireman offers Big Brother the chance to go inside the firetruck to see what's going on. It was a fun experience, though Big Brother was simply overwhelmed, but was still very excited. Maybe on another day, you will be more adventurous and even try to be a firefighter. You had all kind of questions (afterward of course), but you love the hat that the fireman gave you and spent almost an hour just observing the firetrucks as they were doing a drill. Your shyness again confirms to me that you really are not ready for school, but we might have to send you soon, something Mommy will have heartache again.

Please always remember that Mommy loves you both very much, despite all the stress that I am going through.

Dear Khoa and Mai an,

It suddenly occurs to me that my writing is really composed of mostly stress, so I will attempt to write more happy things hoping that it will be more pleasurable to read later on. Today was similar to yesterday as far as stress level. Things would be a lot better if little sister is able to nap longer than 30' in the morning. I guess I can't blame her since we are outside and there are too many distractions. I am going to try the method of nursing outside tomorrow to see how things would go (this is the epiphany of the day for Mommy). If Little Sister can sleep longer in the morning, we can avoid all the fussiness while Mommy is trying to put Big Brother to sleep. And more sleep is better for all of us. Big Brother gave up the battle at 2:15pm, after a lot of yelling from Mommy of course. Luckily, Big Brother has been napping for three hours for three days in a row, hoping that you will keep sleeping this much. The thought of sending you to preschool is still ruminating - I am not sure how we will proceed. I know that I have to send you eventually (at least by this time next month), but it is so scary. I am so afraid of what will happen, but I know that I need to spend more time to help Little Sister sleep. It's such a difficult decision - how long can I hold on to both of you for?

Random cuteness:
1) I did some research and it turns out that thumbsucking is the need to relax, so perhaps Mommy will need to help Little Sister relax so that you don't resort to thumbsucking (so frequently now)
2) Big Brother reading to Little Sister every time the three of us sit down to read together
3) Big Brother singing all the time all the songs, especially when you intentionally sing the antonym of a word in a song
4) Big Brother pointing to the different vehicles on the streets, so proud that you know them all
5) Big Brother comes to Mommy and hug her legs to let her know that you need her


There are many more cuteness moments but they always escape Mommy when she is writing; they only appear when I am lying in bed unable to sleep. I will try to document it down so I will remember.

It was an easy night for Little Sister to go down today too, hoping for more of the same. We shared many precious laughs when it's just the two of us. You woke up at 7:10 today (almost 13 hours of sleep & less of night screaming) and the first thought that came to my mind was I just want to spend all the time in the world with you and only you, but I must make you share it with the chaos of Big Brother's presence too (which is precious in its own way too).

I love you both so so much.

Rough Day

Dear Khoa and Mai An,

Today was another rough day with both of you refusing to sleep; Big Brother wanted to play and read while Little Sister was way too overtired (as you were yesterday too). it's unfortunate but mommy has to force little sister to sleep in the afternoon (you have to adjust to your brother's sleep hours). I guess the other good thing is that Big Brother has been taking longer naps (close to three hours) so both of you are sleeping in the afternoon for a long time while Mommy gets a little break. Luckily, Little Sister was super easy at nighttime today (6:20 vs. the 8:41 pm bedtime yesterday). The last week has been rough at night; you always wake up screaming as if you are in pain (maybe from teething?) constantly. I honestly lost count at how many times you woke up. Because yesterday was such a crazy day, Mommy slept in with Little Sister all the way until the morning (11 hours).

I have been really stressed out lately while taking care the two of you. I keep praying that you both would cooperate and sleep as much as you are supposed to, hopefully one day you both will be ideal and do just as that. The other new thing is that Little Sister has discovered her thumb and keeps sucking on it constantly. I don't know how to stop it - hopefully you will stop and take the pacifier instead. You are such an angel when you sleep fully. You have mastered flipping to one side now and sit up temporarily (a few seconds and then you would come crashing down). Sweetest moment is when you would look at me in the eye when I am breastfeeding you and the most peaceful/ trustworthy eyes looking back at me. I feel terrible that I must leave you lying there (sometimes without even seeing me) most of the time when I have to attend to your brother. I never did that when I was taking care of your brother.      

Big Brother had fun playing on the artificial grass in the park nearby our complex this morning and ate well at lunch. However, nap didn't take place until 2:37, which is why you are up late tonight. The sweetest moment today was when you were out with Daddy and you saw me upon coming back and you ran to me and hugged me and screamed out for Mommy. You are very sweet, though very rebellious at this age. You still do everything the opposite way that I ask you to. You are showing a lot of jealousy (hitting your sister five times during the time when I was trying to put you down for nap). You would always want me to hold you instead of little sister, too. You are still quite shy around strangers, but such a "big/happy/glee boy" around familiar people. You are very smart at connecting ideas and thoughts (intentionally saying the wrong thing and correcting it yourself saying that mommy got it all wrong). For example, you would switch mommy and daddy's name, as well as yours and little sister's name. 

I think that's it for tonight. Mommy is pretty tired. Praying for a better day tomorrow :)

Love, Mommy

Daylight saving madness

Dear Khoa and Mai an,

Today is the beginning of daylight saving, which makes this day even more stressful. I guess it's because big brother had a big vomiting episode aftera big lunch, which frustrated mommy to no end. This frustration is compounded by the fact that little sister was only able to get a 30' nap all morning and was being extremely fussy due to being so overtired. After giving you a bath and feeding you again, we went to bed for nap, at which your favorite activities would be picking on your sister while she sleep-crashes. You got some spanking, out of mummy's frustration, which mommy feels really bad about. You also vomited everything up last night when you were so sleepy and was cranky-crying so the last 24 hrs have certainly been rough. Right now, little sister is still sleep crashing and so are you. Hopefully you both remain asleep for a long time and get the rest you need, until daddy come home from his training and take over. Mommy was hoping to get some sleep but it seems that little sister still wants to sleep in her moby so here I am standing and blogging. Here's to a better night, my loves. I love you both very much despite being so stressed out today.

Love, mommy

Mommy and big brother bonding day

Dear Khoa and Mai an,

Since today is Saturday, daddy was able to stay home to watch little sister while mommy took big brother to Emma prusch farm park for a morning of fun. We had a great time playing on the different farm vehicles and observed all the animals. At first, little brother was very shy but you eventually warmed up and were not scared at all. You were able to relate all the animals that you are familiar with from the iPad app to the real live animal in front of you. You loved watching the different animals and even call out the animals when you recognize them (rabbit like the rabbit in the Peter rabbit book). We tried some petting and feeding the animals but you were not up to that yet, maybe we will try later when little sister is older. We also saw cows, sheep, goat in the big farm house. lAfter that, we went to the nearby park for you to do some climbing but it was a big kid park so we didn't get to do a lot (step was too high, slide too was too high). You had fun watching the other bigger kids play (very roughly though). We also tried the big swing, which was too big for you too, but you were brave and had fun trying it. Then, we walked over to the garden of fruit trees when you said asked mommy, is this garden like mr Gregor's garden in the book, which made mommy so proud of you. Mommy will definitely try to read more with you as you are so smart as to link/associate things.

After the park, we went to Costco for a quick grocery run. It was way too crowded so we didn't have a lot of time to interact and learn, but we tried some samples and you had fun people watching. You settled into your nap easily, probably because you were tired from the day's activities. Tonight, daddy will take you to a party so mommy will miss being with you. I just want to tell you that you are so sweet and spending one on one time with you is just so precious. Just being with you make mommy feel like the difficulty/stress of parenting is all worth it.

While at home, little sister napped with daddy and was given the chance to try the bottle again. We made some progress with half an ounce, hopefully you will eventually take the whole bottle so mommy will feel at ease while being away from you at work. You had the biggest smile on your face when you saw mommy and big brother coming home. I miss being with you too but we have to separate you from big brother so you will at least get some peace and quiet. You immediately took a nap while mommy was nursing you, but that only lasted for 40'. Right now, you are getting another nap, almost an hour and a half now, in the moby, since the house is still quiet. Thank goodness big brother is getting a long nap today vs the hour and a half naps the previous two days. The good news is we don't have nap battle anymore, which helps with mommy's stress level. We still have to work on little sister's napping longer when mommy and big brother is out and about in the morning and how to get both of you sleeping at the same time in the afternoon.

Despite being very tired taking care of both of you, mommy still feels so much love just seeing your faces and being with you. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world and nothing gives mommy more happiness than spending time with each and both of you. Sometimes I do feel so tired but I shall remember these moments of both of you, just being your precious selves. Both of you are so wonderful. I love you both so much.

Mommy

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

When I first started writing this blog, i was aiming for daily, but now that seems to be a far reaching goal. Sheer exhaustion at the end of the day makes it impossible, so it is turning out to be more like a weekly entry. Last weekend was good in terms of sleeping for both of you.  On the weekend, Little Sister has more one-on-one time with Mommy and Big Brother with Daddy.

In the morning, Mommy took Big Brother to do a lot of errands (farmer's market & Costco) while Little Sister stay home to bond with Daddy. Mommy wanted to bring Big Brother to a park for bonding, but it was such a cloudy morning that I fear rain was coming. We had a lot of fun trying on the samples at Costco and walking up and down the aisles. You had fun exploring a different place and asked a lot of questions about things that you observed. You also enjoyed looking at all the different cars and big trucks that pass by in the parking lot, and the post office trucks next to the Costco parking. You are constantly fascinated by cars and trains (or any vehicle actually). You even bring cars to sleep and wake up smiling if I offer you one of your favorite cars. You like to line them up (parking them in the garage you would say).  You would line your trains up too (a really long line). Every time you come home, you would immediately rush to your cars. Right now, you love watching marching bands on Youtube.      

This whole week was okay in terms that Big Brother doesn't put up much fuss about nap anymore. The battle usually ends at around 1:30 (vs. 2:30 or 3 the week before), with Wednesday ending at 12:38. The nap would last anywhere from 2 to 3 hours. In the morning, we always go outside for fresh air and change of scenery. Imagine what it would be like if we have to be inside all day. We are still wandering around the neighborhood. I am sure the neighbors must think that we three are "nuts", but whatever. Big Brother's fascination with cars definitely give Mommy some time to pay attention to Little Sister, who have definitely transitioned to a three naps schedule (though the time does vary greatly). I also notice that Little Sister is definitely settling into 12 hour night time too. If you were to go to bed at around 5:30, you would wake at around 5:30 in the morning, but at the time Mommy is too exhausted to play, so you would just lie there by yourself. You definitely don't get as much nap as you would if the house was quiet, but I suppose not too bad these days. You are sleeping about 3.5 to 4.5 hours in the daytime; they do get interrupted, but I am trying to settle you in. Big Brother does love to interact with you a lot these days since you are showing so many signs of communication, whether it is smiling, crying, laughing out loud. I cannot wait for you to sit up, walk, and see how much fun it is to watch the two of you.

Big Brother will start preschool soon, a scary thought again for all of us. We are still thinking about/shopping for the best school. It is so scary to send you off to a stranger, so Mom and Dad want to make sure it is the best environment for you.  It is a decision that Mommy thinks about so much, wanting it to be least scary for you, and for all of us, and Mommy keeps praying that you will be okay (even though I know we will all cry a lot). Mommy keeps drilling the thought of school into your head, hoping that you will understand.

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Today was a Saturday so Big Brother hung out with Daddy all day while Mommy devoted all her time to Little Sister. Daddy always take Big Brother to many fun places, and as a result, you always come back very exhausted from all the running around. Today is the first Saturday of the month which means Daddy took you to Home Depot and you built a race car today. We are also completing the paperwork for preschool for you, a prospect that is most scary to Mommy for the longest time. I don't think I am ever ready for you to be apart from me, but Daddy said I must let go, so I am praying so so much that it will be a good thing for you. I know it's going to be difficult for you to adjust. I can just imagine the tears - I wish there's something else I can do to make it better for you, but I simply cannot protect you from everything. Monday will be a scary day for Mommy too. You took a long nap of three hours today, something you haven't done in a while and woke up very happy. After dinner, Daddy took you to church. I am proud of how well you have grown - you just give me so much happiness that you cannot even imagine. I love how you come to me when you are scare holding my hand. I love how you sing to me, how you tell me stories about the places that you have gone and the things you have done while you were away from me briefly. I love how you adore your little sister and teach her all these things that you know.

Little Sister slept better today but not as much as mommy would hope. You constantly wake up in the wee hour of the night these days, not sure why, and I am hoping it will stop soon so that Mommy would be less exhausted. For the day, you woke at 7:10. We went over to play with Big Brother and Daddy and you went back to sleep briefly for about 45 minutes. And then, you took another two hours nap from 10-12, and then another 1:40 nap from 1:40-3:20. And then for the night at around 5:30. Hopefully, it will be a smooth night; seem so long ago when we have a good night (maybe the night that we got back from southern california). I tried leaving you unswaddled a few nights ago, but you didn't sleep well at all, so we are back to swaddling. Today's favorite moment is when Mommy was trying "walk" Little Sister (which you loved) and Big Brother joined along, and of course when all four of us lying next to each other. Your rash is still here (almost two months now); we went to the doctor yesterday but they still think it's fungal, so we are on miconazole. Hopefully it will be gone soon.  You are very talkative and loud (yikes) but cute these days. Your are so alert, and we know for sure you can stay up really long. Since Big Brother will be in school in the morning, Mommy will able to devote more time to you, and maybe your sleep will get into a routine. We try to train bottle feeding, but haven't work out so far.

Love you both so much.    

Dear my loves,

Yesterday was slightly a better day with big brother falling to nap 15' earlier (2:15 pm). Little sister's morning was not good sleeping wise, but you slept better in the afternoon than yesterday. Hopefully things will continue in this trend. Daddy took big brother to visit a nearby school so we might try doing a half day to see how you would fare.  Daddy said that you are still very shy and would only participate from the outside. After the school visit, we wander around the neighborhood and the post office, went home for a brief lunch and then nap, which is getting a little easier.

But today was something else as far as bad as it can be. It took forever (2:40) for Big Brother to give up fighting sleep. It was like we took one step forward, but two steps backward.  Generally, everything were not going well from noon onward with Little Sister not sleeping much despite after Big Brother sleep. Nighttime was rough too; you wouldn't sleep until after Mommy gave you a quick bath. You continue to wake twice (only 10pm now) crying your heart out; one of those time you threw up everything. Mommy decided to unswaddle you and you seem to settle back to sleep, so I am not sure it's the swaddle or something else is going on. I guess you are old enough not to swaddle anymore...Big Brother is so cute with your singing. Mommy will try to capture some of it on video for memory. You got an amazing memory and are able to remember the song's lyrics so well.  Mommy again feels sorry for losing her temper today when I was trying to put you to nap. We had a lot of fun in the morning looking at different vehicles on Main Street. Your favorite today was the tractor that was clearing the field on the cross street at the empty lot. After that, we went to the park where you had fun climbing and sliding. An older friend was trying to befriend you, but you were very shy.  

Mommy is exhausted today after dealing with two resistant nappers and will call it a night.  Love you much. 

Juggling nightmare

Dear Khoa and Mai an,

It's quite unfortunate, but nightmarish would still be an understatement to describe the last week. I don't know why but big brother has been so nap resistant; it takes 2.5 hours from the time we start until big brother gives up and falls asleep for nap each day. Of course, little sister is suffering through those time too, often get waken up by all the noise and commotion. Sometimes, Little Sister would take her own nap and even after she wakes up, Big Brother is still wide awake. Mommy keeps on wishing that things will get better, but haven't yet. Poor little sister has to go through all of this - Mommy feels so terrible about making little sister's life so rough.  We also went to visit a few preschools to see which one is suitable for Big Brother, but Mommy is so dreading the anxiety of separation that Big Brother will feel when we drop you off. This week, Daddy gave Big Brother a haircut, which went much better than the previous times. There were no resistance - though it was bit too short, but I am sure hair will outgrow itself very quickly. 

The weekend is much better because Daddy can help take care of Big Brother while Mommy devotes all her time to Little Sister, who has grown to be such a beautiful precious little girl (despite all the hardship and lack of sleep in her life thus far). We had a relaxing weekend with not much activities, perhaps because Mommy is too tired and so is Daddy, so we just hung out at home. Little Sister was going through teething (or so we think) and was quite fussy throughout Friday and Saturday. Luckily, the fussiness didn't last very long. Little Sister still had the rash (which we initially thought was diaper rash, but now not so) - so we are trying to schedule her for a dermatologist look. Little sister has given us a lot more smiling out loud these days. Today, when Mommy was giving a bath you had so much fun when we were playing with the water and jump up and down.

Mommy wishes both of my angels beautiful dreams tonight. Much Love.

Dear Khoa and MaiAn,

Today was another rough day with big brother's vomiting as soon as we head out for the park and more nap resistance. It was a gray and cold day, so we just headed home. Mommy was not in the mood for the park thinking about how you just vomited everything up, so we spend the rest of the day inside. It was a terrible day for little sister because big brother was so much chaos. Little sister didn't sleep the whole morning, which made mommy feels so guilty. The nap battle ended at 1:50; afterward we all slept until 4:10. Poor little sis was still so sleep deprived and tired she didn't have the energy to fight for night time sleeping. Mommy then took big brother to the library where we had a lot of fun but also a pooping accident. Then daddy called to say that little sister woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep so we hurried home. Overall, it was a tough day to say the very least. Here's to a better tomorrow my angels.

Love, mommy

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Today was Sunday so Daddy is home to help Mommy taking care of Big Brother while Mommy has more time to attend to Little Sister. Little Sister woke up very early at around 6:15. You haven't had much good nights, constantly waking up to use Mommy as pacifier at night, but for the past two nights, you actually woke up and wanted Mommy's attention in the middle of the night. Mommy was very very tired last night (I think I am still going through a cold) and was thinking of just letting you just being there since I didn't have enough energy, but luckily I garnered enough effort and was able to lure you back to sleep (I was too sleepy to count how long it took me). I keep hoping for the time when you will become a better sleeper so that we all have better nights, hopefully soon, my sweet daughter. You went back to sleep with Mommy at around 7:30 and woke up at 9:15. We went to visit one of Daddy's friend's new baby and you went for the afternoon at 11:40. You lasted for 3:10 in the Moby and you went to sleep for the night at around 5pm. So, overall, I think today was a good day. Watching you sleep gives my heart so much gladness. Seeing a new baby today made me realized that having you in our lives is just so precious.  I miss seeing you that small (when you were sleeping all the time), but at the same time, I love to see how much you have grown.

Big Brother hung out with Daddy all day today going to the Tet festival at Grand Century Mall. Daddy said that when you were given a balloon, you asked for one more for your little sister at home too, which I thought is so sweet. I am so glad that you love your little sister so much. Weekend is my favorites because we are not in the rush of time and the four of us have time to take pictures and really take time to cuddle and hug. Naptime continues to be a battle; Daddy spent 1:10 trying to put you down for nap and Mommy spent about 1:15 to put you to sleep at night before I had to leave the room to go to your Little Sister. If only you would sleep right away so that we don't waste time just laying in bed doing nothing. Hopefully, you are still getting the rest you need. I wonder what will happen tomorrow when I am home with the two of you.

Mommy has been thinking a lot about whether to send Big Brother to school so that I don't have to juggle the two of you to myself, but I fear the crying so much. It is my deepest fear to not be able to protect my precious loves. I know eventually we have to part, but I am trying to hang on to every moment that I get to spend with you two. I am hoping that Little Sister will eventually be able sleep by herself so naptime won't be a battle everyday... hoping it will soon.

Love you both so so much.

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

After a month of Grandma's visit, we are somewhat back to normal. We just returned from a road trip to Southern California (somewhat horrific with Little Sister's crying and a trip that lasted 11 hours on the road) and are adjusting to life with just Mommy and her two angels. Big Brother had a hard time adjusting the first day, but was doing better on the second day. Naptime has been so dramatic with all three of us crying. Both Big Brother and Little Sister cried at the same time, loudly, and together. The third day Daddy came home for lunch so things were off again. Friday was good, but today was the weekend and things got off again (sigh).  Mommy really lost her temper with Big Brother this week - I never realized how "angry" I could get, especially when you choose to do everything that I ask you not to. You like to wake your sister up when she is sleeping and laying on her body when I am trying to nurse her. Despite me pleading and bribing you not to, you still like to bother her to no end.  Mommy really screamed and spanked you today (battle didn't end until 3:30 today), and I feel so ashamed for doing it. I keep telling myself to control my temper, but at the moment, I couldn't seem to hold it together. I keep fearing one day you will come back to me and say that you remember these terrible moments.  I also feel terrible that Little Sister has to witness all these emotional bursting moments too - I too hope that all will become a distant memory to both of you.

Little Sister is just going along with whatever is at hand, crying when something isn't right and is sleeping when everything fall into her place.  Today, we all went to a party for a short while and Little Sister didn't do so well. Maybe it was because you didn't have enough sleep, but you were crying the whole time unless you were held by Mommy. This last week was rough on Little Sister sleepingwise too.  Sleeping is what Mommy feels is the most important element for you, yet I simply cannot provide you the best environment so that you will sleep more and sleep better. Despite Mommy's attempt to help you to sleep unassisted by yourself, you outright refuse to follow and always want to be held (despite the chaos from your brother's actions).  When will all this drama end? I am not sure, but I am hoping that Little Sister will give in soon and sleep by yourself - it would make the day goes by much smoother for all of us.

Big Brother is currently fascinated with babies; you just want to hear everything about babies. It is how Mommy can get you to calm down when I need you to sleep (doesn't work all the time, but most of the time). You are also into singing all kind of different songs and you have an incredible memory. You will even remember the lyrics to the long ones (which is why Mommy fear that my emotional explosive moments will be ingrained into your memory). You will sing at all times. What is cutest is when you sing happy birthday to your aunt. Normally when you are not fighting bedtime, you are very respectful and super cute. Your vocabulary continue to explode and you still melt Mommy's heart with all your cuteness all the time. You continue to love to be outside just simply wandering around the neighborhood looking at all the things around you. Today the cutest thing you did was to empty all the money from red lixi envelope and throw the empty envelopes into the recycle bin. Mommy is proud that you are learning about recycling so early. At the party, you were very well-behaved and ate well, something that everyone was so impressed about.

After a long day, Mommy is thoroughly tired and will call it a night now. Love you both very much.

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

So we have moved right back to where we left off with Mommy taking care of both of you. Grandma is still staying with us to help Mommy out, so it is not as juggling for Mommy but my mind is totally off from work. I have never happier about not making any money. Seeing your smiles just make my heart feel so warm and make every hardship all worth it. Little Sister is back to eating regularly, though night sleeping is still very disruptive since you were waking so much to nurse when Mommy was working. Hopefully, you will settle back and grow into a beautiful, precious little girl.

Big Brother loves having Mommy at home. Since Grandma is helping Mommy with Little Sister, Mommy was able to take Big Brother to many places. On both Thursday and Friday, we went to story time at the library and you seem to enjoy the time a lot more than before. You loved dancing to the music and following the movements that the librarian teaches. You are also very brave; you would go sit in the circle all by yourself knowing that Mommy sits in the back. I wonder how you would feel if you were to go to school now.

Happy 4th month, Mai An!

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Today is Little Sister's fourth month old birthday and what a whirlwind of a couple of weeks! Mommy is officially staying home with her Loves again for three more months since it has been so tough for us. When Mommy came home yesterday, both of you were so tired, sleep-deprived (your eyes had no focus), and hungry that Mommy just wanted to break down and cry. Mommy first fed Big Brother and put you to sleep at 7pm, then I fed Little Sister and put her to sleep. You didn't really sleep until after 8pm since you were so hungry you ate a lot and then threw up, and then had to feed again. Big Brother has not been taking naps when you are home with just Grandma so you were so wired and hyper when I come home from work. Little Sister still starves herself when Mommy is away. I feel so guilty for making both of you go through such tough time when I am at work. It is almost like you two are no longer the happy kids that Mommy love so much. So we will do some more bonding and hopefully set some kind of schedule so that the next time Mommy has to return to work, the adjustment period won't be so bad. Grandma is still staying with us, so Mommy has more time to bond with each of you during the day.

Today, Mommy took Big Brother to Storytime at the library. Then, we went home for your nap, which you resisted a bit because you haven't taken your nap for the last two days, but you finally gave in at around 12:45 and slept for a couple of hours. In the afternoon, Mommy took you to Costco where you had fun playing the piano, getting free samples, watching the new Smart TVs... It was a rainy day but we still managed to have a lot of fun.

Mommy's 4th day back to work

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Today is already Mommy's 4th day back to work but Little Sister is still not taking the bottle and starving yourself while Mommy is away. It breaks every molecule in my heart knowing that you are at home not sleeping and not eating. I wish that I didn't have to go to work so that you are not suffering so much. I miss time spending with Big Brother too since I hardly get to interact with you. Everyday when I come home, I have to rush to feed Little Sister since you haven't eaten anything. By the time Little Sister is soundly asleep, it is almost time for Big Brother to go to sleep. I so miss being home to be close to the two of you. Grandma has been home taking care of Little Sister, who is having a tough time still. I am not sure how long it would take for you to adjust... I am thinking about taking time off from work so I can spend more time with both of you and not feel guilty.

Much LOVE to my angels. 

2nd day at Mom for mommy

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Today is Mommy's second day at work and Little Sister is still refusing the bottle and Big Brother had a vomiting episode yet again :(  Daddy said that Big Brother vomited yesterday at the mall too because you were eating too fast.  It breaks my heart to be away from both of you, especially from little Sister who is having such a hard time adjusting.  You are not eating and not sleeping and Mommy is so worried. Hopefully, you will adjust sooner rather than later. For the next few days, Grandma will be taking over, so there will be more changes. I am hoping that she will be patient enough to help you adjust to the bottle and eventually to some kind of sleeping schedule.  Mommy cannot wait to get home from work to see both of you. Much Love from Mommy at work.

brisk day

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Today was a beautiful yet cold day. We started with going to the park across from our complex where Big Brother observed the firemen do a training. You were quite excited to see the men in action. There were a few of you watching so I am sure the firemen enjoyed the crowd. You loved pointing out to Mommy the water hose, the ladder, the big trucks, the men in uniform...  Afterward, we played in the park on the slide, swing, dolphin, climbing, and one minor incident of near falling to the ground. You were super about sharing playground and waiting for your turn. You got interested in one of the toys that one of your friend brought along from his home, but you were very good about knowing that it is not yours and you asked Mommy for permission to touch it. You keep saying that the toy is similar to the one you have at home (even though you don't have anything like it). Mommy was very proud of how well behaved you were.  Afterward, we played on the stair and the gate (your constant source of fascination), then Daddy joined us for some more fun in the park. You were such a gleeful camper running around in the fresh morning air that it is hard not to love you any less.  Daddy put you to sleep at 12:30, yet you didn't fall asleep until 2pm. We are so clueless as to how to help you sleep earlier, rather than fighting sleep. Tonight, you are fighting sleep again, even though you only slept for 2 hours in the afternoon. Mommy is praying everyday so that you will become a better sleep to help you in the long run.

Little Sister slept for a whopping 14:40 hours last night, which was great (even though Mommy still woke up a lot just to make sure you are okay). You didn't even nurse much at all, just a few waking up episodes but fell right back to sleep. If it was your usual self, you would nurse at least 2 full sessions during the night, but last night you didn't want anything to do with the breast.  You didn't nurse much today either so I am not sure what's going on. Daddy has been giving the bottle to help you adjust while Mommy is at work, but you don't want anything to do with it either. You would always cry while Daddy put the bottle into your mouth. Mommy has to go to work the next four days, what's going to happen? Mommy is praying that you will take the bottle so that you don't starve yourself. Today, you slept in the Moby for about 2 hours, and then woke up when Mommy got to church, but then fell asleep again when Mommy was walking back. In the afternoon, you had a few catnaps of 20 minutes and then maybe half an hour. Mommy gave you a quick bath and then you were asleep for the night by 6pm. Mommy is hoping you won't go on a strike tonight - must tank you up so that you will survive tomorrow. You don't have any schedule and the next few days will be very tough again - I hope you will get adjusted to napping alone and give in the bottles. I know those are big steps, but am hoping that you will make them very soon. I am trying to not feel the stress, but it is so hard to not be worried about you.

Praying that God, Mary, and the angels always hold my two precious prince and princess will be in their hands and that you will sleep & eat well. Good night my Loves.

Mommy's returning to work

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Mommy's first day back to work for Little Sister was very rough, so much that it broke my heart. Daddy said that you resisted the bottle and cried a whole lot without much sleeping. He had to drop a syringe of breast milk into your mouth while you cried. You fell asleep by yourself at night probably due to exhaustion/hunger and woke up every three hours to feed from Mommy. One conclusion for sure is that you are very stubborn. While I was at work, my mind was completely preoccupied with the thought of both of you at home. My workday was easy, but I know Daddy's day at home is rough. Big Brother also cried when I was preparing to leave work, which made me cried as well.  These days are so tough for Mommy - I wish that things would not be this bad. I keep thinking that I should have just taken leave without pay and stay at home with both of you rather than returning to work. It is such a hard decision and I feel so much guilt for being away when you are both so young.

Daddy said he felt frustrated with Big Brother's resistance to nap too and you vomited when crying after Daddy forced to lie down and sleep. I am not sure how Grandma will fare when she has to watch both of you herself. You seem to take Mommy's leaving for work easier than Little Sister. You clung to me when I got home and we had fun taking a bath together and getting ready for bed.  At night though, you still call out to Mommy to be held. Daddy said that you ask where is Mommy during the day and said that you miss Mommy but you do not cry (like you used to).

Today is Saturday so Mommy and Daddy stay home with our precious prince and princess. Daddy took care of Big Brother mainly and Mommy took care of Little Sister. You didn't sleep that well today despite having Mommy all to yourself. You keep waking up after half an hour even though I try to walk you in the park, held you in the Moby, or slept with you on the bed. You must be having a tough time realizing all these changes after knowing the security of Mommy 24/7 throughout the entire life. There were five total cat naps today, but only up to 3.5 hours. Mommy put you to sleep for the night at 6 and you have been sleeping soundly for almost six hours. Hopefully, tonight will be a good one for all of us.  Because you didn't sleep that well and that much, you are not quite your happy self. Mommy and Daddy tried to give you the bottle to help you adjust but you just simply refused again.

Big Brother had so much fun hanging out with Daddy, who took you to so many places like the grocery store, Popeye, Jamba Juice, Target. Because you were out and about, you were so excited and all smiling. Daddy put you to nap late, so you ended waking up from your nap late, and didn't settle for nighttime until 10pm (yikes).  You continue to fight naptime so much, despite Mommy's and Daddy's begging. You have mastered the song "con chim non" and can sing it all by yourself now. Today, you learn the song "tet tet tet" in preparation for Vietnamese new year coming up. Your voice singing and expression/acts are just too darn cute. Mommy will try to capture it on video for memory soon. Our family had a little concert in the bathroom tonight while Daddy was giving Little Sister a bath - it was quite cute with Big Brother and all his famous hits. Tonight, you are not sleeping that well - must be stuffy nose from the cold season.

Here is to better days ahead with more adjustment and not rebelling :)  Sending Love and Kisses to my prince and princess.      

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

It has a rough three days for Mommy and Daddy - I never thought that parenthood would be this hard. We both are really worn out by your demands and have never been as stressed ever in our lives. Mommy keeps telling herself to think of the positive and that this phase would be over to keep my hopes up. It started with Little Sister not sleeping well at night at all; you keep waking up every single hour crying your heart out. You don't even sleep as early as you used too, and you wake up so so often. What follow every crying episode is vomiting and more crying. Nothing Mommy would do would make you sleep unless you are out in the light with all Big Brother's commotion. In the middle of the night would be Mommy holding you upright, but Mommy really doesn't have the strength to stampede throughout the house. Sometimes, sleep deprivation really get into Mommy's head and takes all my patience away since I am so exhausted from the day already. I have to repeat to myself that this baby is helpless; it's not her fault. The problem is that I just don't know how to help you.

Today would also be the third day that Big Brother keeps on fighting on taking naps. Mommy really snapped at you today because you were so stubborn. You would do the opposite of whatever I would ask you - and you know that is what Mommy doesn't want you to do, yet you do it anyway. The only thing that would eventually help you to fall asleep today would be you rolling off the bed and hurting yourself. You slept for 2 hours plus the previous two days, but today was very short (1 hour and 40 minutes). And today, for the whole afternoon, Little Sister only slept for half an hour, which frustrated Mommy to no end. On top of it all, you vomited today in the morning after you ate a piece of apple too. Little Sister's nap got delayed because I had to clean the carpet and gave you a bath due to the vomiting. It was a bad day for all of us. Our mornings are fine and fun; the frustration always begin with nap time and gets worse and worse. Tonight, Daddy put you to bed late, so you are asleep late. Daddy is still feeling under the weather from his flu - he is having a rough time too.

I am really exhausted, but wanted to write something because tomorrow would be my first day back to work already. It is going to be a big turning point for both of you, especially Little Sister. She will have so much adjustments to her routine - all of us will go through tough time together. I keep saying prayers for both of you throughout the day as it helps me put things in perspective, but tonight, I will be saying more prayers so that our family will adjust to the new things in our lives. My goal today is to be less stressed so you both don't feed off the stress from me.

Much Love to my prince and princess.    

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Today was a "good" day - it would have been "perfect" if Big Brother did not resist Mommy at nap time and Mommy lost her temper yet again. I was frustrated because Little Sister was crying because she was very tired too, but Big Brother keeps refusing to listen to Mommy and would do everything but sleep. It wasn't until 2pm that you fell asleep, and then your sister fell asleep right after. Mommy had about 2 hours break when both of you were asleep, though Mommy had Little Sister in Moby. However, Big Brother ended up getting about 2.5 hours and woke up happy. You seem to be so attached to Mommy today, not sure why? Daddy was able to go into to work late today, so he spent most of the morning with Big Brother while Little Sister and Mommy took a short morning nap.

 

Then the three of us head out for our morning walk to the park. Big Brother met up with your Korean friend Patrick in the park near our complex where you had so so much fun. You climbed the rocks, raced for the tennis ball, ate snacks together. Mommy is glad that you had fun interacting with a friend - hopefully you will be come close to him and gain a friendship. You didn't even want to go home; we didn't end up home until 12:15.  At night, Mommy had so much fun reading together with you. You continue to impress me with your knowledge of words and putting words together. We read the Amos McGee book today and you know everything about the book that Mommy and Daddy asked you. Then, Mommy gave you a bath where we had a lot fun playing with the bubbles and then Mommy put you to bed since Daddy is still feeling under the weather and coughing a lot. Mommy didn't have a lot of luck feeding you today; Mommy just gave you milk while Daddy did all the feeding for you today. My favorite moments with you lately are when we sing together. Right now, your favorites are "con chim non", "jingle bells", "santa clause is coming to town", besides the old ones like "abc", "i love you", "wheels on the bus", "5 jumping monkeys". Mommy will try to record when you sing with me so that you can have it for memory. 

Little Sister had a good day sleeping today (well much better than previous days). 1.25 hrs in the morning, 1.5 hours midday, and then another 2 hours in the afternoon before going to bed at around 6:15 pm at night. You could have slept more in the afternoon had Big Brother had gone to sleep earlier, but it was much better than the whole last week. You only slept the first nap with Mommy in bed, the rest were in the Moby. Mommy is really worried about what will happen when Mommy will return to work in two days; it is going to be tough for you with lots of crying. It will certainly make Mommy's heart bleed with all your crying, but we don't have a choice. Mommy wishes that she can stay home with the two of you forever.  Tonight, you are not sleeping that well - keep waking up. Seem like you have a lot of gas; we have been doing a lot of burping when you call for us throughout the night. Last night was rough on Mommy - you were up from 3 to 4pm, presumably because something was uncomfortable, but after that hour you slept all through the morning.  You were very conversational today, keep talking with your brother and Mommy whenever you are awake (with a lot of big smiles of course). Except for the afternoon when your Brother was cranky and you were sleepy, you were nothing short of a princess today. Like previous days, you seem to never settle down, you always want to bring your head upward and trying to sit up (but you are still too weak).

Mommy will stop for now. Mommy is sending thousands of kisses to my prince and princess. Sleep tight my Loves.    

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Today was a typical day starting with going to the park. We left later than usual because it was kind of gloomy, and came home earlier than usual. Mommy let Big Brother take the lead and just follow along. You had fun climbing the rails and then down the slide. We were also on the swing for a little bit and running around the path. You asked me a lot about the other children at the park. Hopefully, you will soon learn to interact with them. What was cutest today was you have mastered to the "sorry" concept. Every time Mommy said something that was inaccurate (whether intentional or unintentional), you would prompt Mommy to say "Sorry, baby". Today, you also refer to yourself as "little baby" which is extremely cute too. Mommy and Daddy have both been tucking you in bed at night, and it is the most precious time. Mommy would kiss you, sing to you, hug you, and it makes Mommy's heart so full of happiness. Conversing with you have made Mommy realize that you are so precious now that we can literally "talk" to you that Mommy can't even remember what it was like before you were talking. You ask so many questions and you remember everything that we tell you.

Little Sister had a rough day because you are so sensitive to the noises around. You had multiple short naps throughout the day, and finally an hour nap at the end of the day. You loves to lift your head all the time even though you are not strong enough. Night time was easy today. Tonight, mommy will try to not sleep next to you. Hopefully, it won't wake you so much so that you can sleep the second part of the night. Your continued innocent smiles still melt Mommy and Daddy's hearts.

It's getting late so Mommy will kiss my prince and princess now and wish you a restful night. Love you both very much.

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

It's only 2:30 in the afternoon, yet the day has felt like forever. It started with Big Brother refusing to eat breakfast and Little Sister just sleeping 30 minutes at a time. Last night was rough on Mommy because Little Sister kept waking up. At one point, around 4:30 am, I just went back to sleep with Little Sister wide awake because nothing I was doing would help with your sleeping. Looking back, maybe because your clothes was a little wet because mommy didn't change your diaper. I want to avoid changing diaper in the middle of the night to preserve sleep, but it looks like we will have to resume changing diaper. Of course, there is always a risk of your clothes being wet in between me changing diaper too...  This whole morning, little sister has been latched on my breast like never before so much that I wouldn't be surprised if there was a vomiting episode but it didn't happen. She just didn't want to let go. I guess because you realize you have Mommy to yourself. Out of desperation again, now you are in the moby again sleeping. It is the one and an half hour mark. Mommy is hoping for three hour; hopefully you will concur. Every noise that I make arouse you so I am standing here trying to prolong your sleep as much as I can.

Big brother is not quite himself either; very fussy and clingy to both Mommy and Daddy the whole morning. You have taken a new interest in drawing lately, taking inspiration from your family and your toys. It is very cute; mommy and daddy would usually be clueless at your drawings but you enjoy telling us what they are. The most stressful thing so far is you had another gigantic vomiting episode; every time something likes this happen, it gives mommy and daddy so much stress. a piece of apple had gone down the wrong way. We so hope that this vomiting would end soon, but no light at the end of the tunnel yet. Because we had to refeed you, you took your nap very late. Don't even know what will happen tonight. That sense of powerlessness as a parent is still here with me - I feel so helpless as to make your lives the best that they can be for both of you. Daddy is quite stressed out too; he still feels a bit under the weather and now has totally lost it after the vomiting. Now it's clean up time for mommy and daddy. 

May god and the angels protect and guide you to the very best paths for your lives. A tired mommy who loves you both so dearly.

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Today was not a good as far as sleep goes for both of you, but Big Brother still had so much fun while Little Sister was a bit clingy/fussy almost all day with not so much sleep. I desperately miss those days when you sleep next to my chest for 3 hours each stretch. You had three short nap: possibly ranging from 1/2 to 1 1/2 hr, and that's all. The only better thing vs. yesterday was that you didn't have the crying period before sleep, maybe because Daddy gave you a relaxing bath before. You were out for the night before 5pm - hopefully you will sleep well tonight and praying that tomorrow will be better. This week has been rough for you as far as sleeping during the day time. I am not sure why - maybe growth spurt (you are at your 15th week mark). Today, Mommy feels this overwhelming sense of powerlessness as Mommy is not able to help you sleep well. I wish that somehow magically you will learn to self soothe and would sleep well everyday, despite all the noise in the house. I notice that you are ever so sensitive to noise this week, whereas the week before nothing seems to bother you much. What I don't understand is that you still sleep well at night (averaging 13 hours nights), but daytime remains a struggle.  Because you were kinda fussy all day, we couldn't get a lot of smiles (some but not like usual) but you are growing ever so beautiful and sweet. You continue to only like to be held standing straight up (no sitting). You didn't feed that much today (so Mommy's breast is full at this moment). You are talking a lot and definitely telling us what you want or do not want. I am hoping whatever stage you are going through shall pass soon...  I am constantly saying prayers for you.

Big Brother hung out with Daddy all day since Mommy was trying to help Little Sister with her sleep. In the morning, you went to Home Depot to make a bird house. I heard that you were very cute with the staff, speaking to them in Vietnamese and thought that they fully understood you. Some of them even wanted to take a picture with you. You got selected for a gift (gingerbread house) which we will save for next Christmas. You took a two hour nap, and then woke up playing balloon with Mommy and Daddy. You surely love balloon very much - it kept you entertained for more than an hour. You are also a pro at eating, especially with your hands, by yourself these days. You now know to ask for what kind of food you like to eat. Mommy feels terrible that we don't have a wide array of food to offer you since Mommy is so preoccupied with taking care of Little Sister. Hopefully when Grandma is here, she can cook all kind of wonderful food so that your taste buds will be greatly enamored and you will learn to love all kinds of food. In the evening, Daddy took you to the mall (since it was raining again) and to church. By now, you are soundly sleeping. I love the fact that despite you are now a big and independent two years old, you still hold and hug Mommy whenever you feel the need to.  Sometimes, in the middle of your playing, you would grab a book and sit in Mommy's lap so that we can quickly read together. Your "I Love You" to me is ever so sweet, too (in addition to "bye bye Me, anh di choi vui). These moments are so precious to Mommy. You especially love to go out to places, even though you haven't interacted much with children your own age). I love it that for now at least, our family get to spend some time and interact together in the kitchen.

Mommy Loves her prince and princess very much. Good night my Loves!

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,.

Today was one of the roughest/worst day of Little Sister's life. You only had three short little nap all lasting about 1/2 hr each. Before bedtime, you cried hysterically for an hour despite everything that Mommy was trying to do desperately to stop the crying, which was probably due to being so tired. I have never heard you cry that much - the shrieking was so rough on my ears that I lost my patience and had to scream too (it was just the two of us at home). You also vomited and you cried so much that your hair was drenched in wetness - definitely one of the most heartbreaking moments of Mommy's life.  After an hour of crying, you fell asleep due to exhaustion and so did Mommy. I was so tired that I didn't hear Daddy and Big Brother coming home. You probably couldn't sleep today because there was too many disruption with your Big Brother's presence. I am hoping that the weekend will give me time so that I can devote 100% to you and hopefully you will recover from today. We have to figure out some plans so that you will sleep better during the day.  Mommy feels so much sadness that I cannot provide you with the care that you truly deserve - making your daytime sleep so erratic. I can't even fathom what will happen when I return to work...  I think I made a lot of wrong decisions today which made your day so terrible. Right now when you are sleeping calmly, I miss your smiling face. I wish that I could do something to make today a distant memory. Hopefully, we will never have a day like today ever again.

Big Brother, on the other hand, had a fun day exploring and being outside. We stayed on this side of the complex where you explored the park, the pool, our neighborhood. Eating remains a struggle for Mommy so you continue to not eat & drink that much. Putting you to bed wasn't too bed; you were tired from all the activities. You didn't sleep very long - I wish I could figure how your brain figures your sleeping so that I can make it that you take your three hour nap at a set time everyday - but still woke up happy. Daddy took you to the library when he got home, which you loved from what I heard. Then, Mommy gave you a bath and off you went to sleep. Despite you giving your Little Sister's trouble to sleeping, you are just so sweet all the time. Lately, you are very good about eating on your own (though you don't eat very much - it must be the independence thing). You also love to drink water very much lately - taking a bottle everywhere we go. You are really into playing with cars, especially big cars dragging little cars. Your vocabulary &/ memory continue to impress me each day.  Today we saw cat while walking and I ask you what the cat was doing, which you responded with "the cat is looking for food." That answer was the smartest thing I have heard in such a long time. Such moment make Mommy realize all the sacrifices that your Daddy and I make are really worth it.  What I also love most is how you say "I love you" to Mommy - it is the sweetest thing to my ears.  

Here is really to a better day tomorrow. Much Love to my prince and princess.

Dear Khoa & Maian,

Today Daddy got really sick so he came home after lunch and slept with Big Brother for your nap, which is probably why you had a nice long nap (2.5 hrs til now).  So far, the day is turning out to be much better than yesterday. Little Sister only slept 1.5 hours in the morning, but is still taking her afternoon nap now (almost two hours). Since Daddy was sick, he couldn't feed big brother like usual, so Mommy attempted to feed you but you are not much of an eater lately. You had one string cheese, half a yogurt, lots of grapes, some clementine and that's about it. Mommy couldn't even give you milk. You refusing to eat is one of the most stressful thing ever, and Mommy lost her patience with you today too. I promise myself to be more and more patient with you, but it's so hard when your Little Sister is screaming nearby. For our morning, we spent most of our time in the park where you did a lot of climbing/sliding/running and were very excited. I notice that you are still quite shy with other friends - hopefully you will become more sociable. We also stopped by the post office and look at the cards section like yesterday.  Mommy is so proud of your vocabulary; you can tell me almost everything that you see on the cards and you seem so elated to pointing those things out to me too, like balloons, dogs, cats, umbrella, girl, boy, flower, squirrels, plants/leaf... You also told me when you needed to go to the bathroom rather be prompted like usual, almost back to your usual self before the baby came. Despite all our setbacks lately, did you know that mommy loves you more and more each day? You are such a super cute trooper who is so smart. My favorite moment with you today was when you heard the train coming, you called out "tau lua oi" which is super sweet. I love it when you get scared/fearful, you would grab your tiny fingers next to mine and say "me voi em be o day ma - khong Sao het". As I am writing this, you are still napping with daddy. We are hitting the three hours mark so I can tell it's gonna be a good night.

As for Little Sister, it seems like your three hour nap days are gone or it could just be that you are much more sensitive to noises and get awoken so easily but hard to fall back to sleep again. You were very good last night. Mommy even woke up a few times to find that you are still sleeping peacefully. The only problem is how to get you to sleep on your own during daytime. Mommy tried putting you in the swing or bed for a while without holding you, but you would scream/become fussy after about 15' wanting to be picked up again. I am not sure how next week will go with Grandma. One thing for sure it will be tough on her.  This afternoon, you fell asleep while nursing and I thought for one moment all three of us would taking an afternoon nap together, but you had a cough, which woke your brother up. Then, mommy had to put brother back to sleep and you are back in the moby again. Mommy feels incredibly guilty that I don't spend enough time interacting with you, but we don't have a choice. Hopefully, things will get better as the days come. As for tonight, we will all try to go to sleep earlier to preserve energy for the coming days.

Much Love to my prince and princess.

Dear Khoa&MaiAn,

Today was a very bad for both of you, and Mommy was so exhausted at the end of the day that Mommy lost her temper with Big Brother. We all were very tired actually and were not our usual selves. Mommy will apologize to Big Brother tomorrow for being not so nice to him and letting him cry. Mommy feels terrible; hopefully we will have a better day.

The day was bad because both of you decide not to sleep so Mommy had to battle with two tired/fussy babies who were crying on and off all afternoon. Our morning was good with our morning walk. Big Brother explored everywhere (although the usual spots of the post office, the park, the other complex, since we proceeded by walking) and had so much fun.  Little Sister slept from 10-12:10 during our morning exploration, and then woke up when Mommy started to feed Big Brother. Big Brother didn't feel like eating much of anything so we went to nap at around 12:30. However, you didn't fall asleep until 2pm. You were tired, but you were probably so used to Daddy putting you for nap that you resisted Mommy so much, keep asking to go outside and munch on food. Since Mommy said "no", you then asked to hold baby for Mommy, but unfortunately baby was very fussy and kept crying all the time, which was very unusual. You would cry if Mommy doesn't hold you for a long time, but you would be happy again if Mommy embraces you. However, today, even with Mommy holding you and trying to put Big Brother to sleep, you were not your calm self and cried a lot regardless. You didn't want to feed in the afternoon either. The loud crying made you even more "alert" so it was quite a fiasco for both of you to be in the same room. You slept for only 50' and never went back to sleep. Little Sister only slept for 30' and then woke you too. So Mommy spent about an hour trying to convince both of you that sleep would be the best solution - but Mommy didn't succeed. Little Sister took another cat nap of 25', but for most of the afternoon, you were either crying and looking very tired. Mommy wishes that you would have been sleeping all those time, but the noise and the stress from your Brother's probably add on to your stress and we had a rough/sleeplessness afternoon. Tonight, when Mommy put Little Sister to sleep, you keep wanting to cling on to Mommy's breast for another hour and a half even though you are already sleeping. You probably wanted Mommy close by since your day was so rough.

Little Brother went to sleep earlier, but not as early as Mommy would have liked, because Daddy took you to the library. You are not sleeping well tonight either, keeping calling out for Mommy and Daddy. I hope that you will be able to sleep for a long time tonight and get the rest you need to recover from today.

Mommy Loves both of you so much. Here's to a better day tomorrow. 

Dear Khoa & MaiAn,

Boy did we have a rough day today. Considering that it is the New Year, I am hoping it can only get better, and not any worse. It was a low key day overall; we started with heading to the park as a family, and then to church. Little Sister had been having a tough time with daytime naps. Today, her longest nap was only an hour, otherwise it was 15', 30' and in between those naps were all awake time that was nearing two hours. You are also much more sensitive to noise around you, but the house will remain very loud with Big Brother's presence, so Mommy is hoping that you will adjust eventually. Mommy is really worried about next week when Mommy has to return to work; my poor princess will have a very tough time. Mommy wishes that I can stay home with you forever, but unfortunately, that's not possible.  For the last two nights, you have a tough time falling asleep at night too, with vomiting episodes both nights.  You seem to be okay at night though, or it could just be that Mommy is too exhausted to notice. But as always, even when you are not sleeping well during the day, you always give us the biggest smiles and chatting with us interactively. Your eyes are so much more alert, always wanting to find out what's going on around you. You like it when we stand you up even though Mommy fears that your legs are not strong enough, but as soon as we set you down, you would tell us that you are not happy. Tonight, you are not sleeping well so far, let's hope for a peaceful night.

Big Brother has yet another vomiting episode during lunch. However, you took a three hour nap and was quite happy when you woke up. You love going to the park with the swing and especially loved it this morning because Daddy came with us. Mommy felt bad that we have to make it a quick trip since we had to go to the church. After dinner, we had so much fun playing with your new toy, the motorcycle, where you have learned to flip side way and make it go around and around rather than forward or backward the way it should. We also reviewed the words in the ABC blocks. You make Mommy so proud because you have mastered all the words - your vocabulary is growing tremendously these days. We had a tough time feeding you today; you keep saying "No" to everything that we were offering you. You later settled for two eggrolls, which you probably enjoyed due to the oiliness. You still love taking baths so so much - every night we have to do all these tricks so that we can get you out quickly fearing that you might be too cold after sitting in the bath for so long. Tonight, you have settled into your sleep smoothly. Last night, you were out to a Countdown party with Daddy all the way until 10:30, which made you very tired, but Mommy heard that you had so much fun playing with the other kids. Lately, because your vocabulary and logic have improved so much, you start to ask yourself questions and then answer them too. What I love most is when you read to your Little Sister when we are home together. You love her so much and always want to hold her for Mommy and Daddy. Every morning, you always look for your sister when you wake up and tell Mommy all about your Little Sister. These moments are really so precious and Mommy Loves them more than anything in the world.

Kisses to my prince and princess.