Dear Khoa & Mai An,
Today was Big Brother's sixth day at preschool. Every morning, Big Brother would cry and refuse to leave the house. You would walk up to Mommy and say that "today, daddy will go to work and I will stay home with mommy and baby an", and Mommy would pretend like I didn't hear what you just said, because not soon enough Daddy would swift you up the floor and buckle you in the car seat to depart for school. I would then cry while hearing the garage closes and knowing that you are now in a stranger's hand, at a strange place, and all I want to do is run after and pick you up into my arm's again, but I can't. I have to let you learn since in less than a month I have to return to work. All throughout the day, I would feel so much guilt and I think about you constantly (all the while all I want to do is to go pick you up). It has been rough for all of us - hopefully it will get easier soon. Seeing you so happy when I finally get to pick you up at the end of the day just give me so much gladness. You would sing all the way on the way back, asking Mommy about the cars and trucks that you see on the way. You are always very hungry so just seeing you happily eating would make me so so fulfilled. Today was the first day that you didn't vomit at school. However, you are still not sleeping very long, which means you go to sleep very early at night. I feel like I am not spending any time with you since I have to put Little Sister to sleep when you come home (which gives me more guilt). Since tomorrow is the beginning of Holy Week, you will have time off and the three of us will be home again. It shall be fiasco again, but we will see.
Little Sister had your 2-4am woke up again after giving Mommy a break for a while. It has been quite difficult to put you to sleep (both during daytime and night time). Even though without Big Brother at home, you are not sleeping a whole lot more (3-4 hours). You have learned to push Mommy away, even though it doesn't mean that you will sleep by yourself (something very new since you turned six months old). I don't want to "force" you to sleep, but if this pattern continues then we will have resort to that so that you will get the rest you need. It has been fun to hang out at home with just you alone, though you tend to be very clingy. Mommy doesn't get a whole lot done even with just you alone. You always to be seeing Mommy, so I have to scratch away any plan to clean the house. We do a lot of reading when you are awake and toilet training (something that you are very very good at). Mommy has been taking naps with you during the day, so it is nice to be able to sleep with you and hold you in my embrace. Mommy will take you on walks (though short ones) in the morning (while thinking about Big Brother). Tomorrow, you will have your six month check-up. I am sorry that we will have to give you shots. Even though Mommy was very frustrated with your sleeping today, i love it when I hold you in my arm and seeing you asleep peacefully. It is the best feeling in the world. I always try to remind myself that in a month I will no longer have this precious time.
Today, I try to savor every moment that i get to spend with each of you, my precious ones and how much I love you while you both are my precious little ones. Love love you both so so much.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
children discovery museum
Dear Khoa & MaiAn,
Today, Big Brother and Mommy went to the children discovery museum while daddy stayed at home with Little Sister. We had so so much fun; big brother was very excited and enjoyed yourself so much. Everything was overwhelming at first, but you adjusted quickly and wanted to try all the different game/activity. Your favorite was probably the water show and the sand activity. We also tried some painting, at which the lady in charge said that you were very smart. Seeing you so happy made Mommy very happy. I was beyond ecstatic to be able to spend some time with you. We truly had a wonderful bonding day and I loved every bit of it. We will try to go more often as your sister gets a little older so you can both enjoy it. At nap time, you still showed some nap resistance, which is understandable since you spent the last three days at preschool and surely missed being in the comfort of home. I am glad to say that I did not lose my temper and literally beg you to sleep, which I have found that there is no point in getting mad at you (result is always the same as in you are in control of when you go sleep). You keep asking Mommy to read you books, tell you stories, which lasted until 3pm when you gave up. At school, you are not sleeping more than 2 hours, so today you woke up exactly 2 hours later. After that, we all went to church as a family, which was a little too late for Little Sister (who became very fussy in the car ride home). Today, I feel so wonderful just being with you, just seeing you smile, just seeing you being you. I am just so happy to spend time with you; it doesn't matter what you do. I have thoroughly missed being with you. I think about you so much during the day, wondering what you are doing now when you are at school, away from me :(
Little Sister had a rough day on Friday with not much sleep at all (total of 2.5 hours the whole day). At night, you cried a lot. I think you are going through teething as you are continuously drooling, but I am not sure. The good thing is that you didn't stay up in the middle of the night last night. You woke up at 6:20 and then went to bed again at 7-8am. I was so relieved to finally had a good long night of sleep. You might have awoken in the night, but I honestly don't remember. Today, Daddy tried to offer the bottle again, but it wasn't successful again. Daddy said that you slept for an hour in the morning, 2.5 hours in the afternoon. You went to sleep at 5:30, but woke up at 6:38 so we went to the 7pm mass. You were asleep for the night at 8:40. Tonight hasn't been smooth so far - hopefully it will turn out better (like last night). Maybe you are still teething as you are still crying even though you are asleep.
Today Mommy and Daddy just have an overwhelming sense of happiness with the presence of both of you in our lives. You give us so much meaning. We love you so so much. Sleep tight my loves.
Today, Big Brother and Mommy went to the children discovery museum while daddy stayed at home with Little Sister. We had so so much fun; big brother was very excited and enjoyed yourself so much. Everything was overwhelming at first, but you adjusted quickly and wanted to try all the different game/activity. Your favorite was probably the water show and the sand activity. We also tried some painting, at which the lady in charge said that you were very smart. Seeing you so happy made Mommy very happy. I was beyond ecstatic to be able to spend some time with you. We truly had a wonderful bonding day and I loved every bit of it. We will try to go more often as your sister gets a little older so you can both enjoy it. At nap time, you still showed some nap resistance, which is understandable since you spent the last three days at preschool and surely missed being in the comfort of home. I am glad to say that I did not lose my temper and literally beg you to sleep, which I have found that there is no point in getting mad at you (result is always the same as in you are in control of when you go sleep). You keep asking Mommy to read you books, tell you stories, which lasted until 3pm when you gave up. At school, you are not sleeping more than 2 hours, so today you woke up exactly 2 hours later. After that, we all went to church as a family, which was a little too late for Little Sister (who became very fussy in the car ride home). Today, I feel so wonderful just being with you, just seeing you smile, just seeing you being you. I am just so happy to spend time with you; it doesn't matter what you do. I have thoroughly missed being with you. I think about you so much during the day, wondering what you are doing now when you are at school, away from me :(
Little Sister had a rough day on Friday with not much sleep at all (total of 2.5 hours the whole day). At night, you cried a lot. I think you are going through teething as you are continuously drooling, but I am not sure. The good thing is that you didn't stay up in the middle of the night last night. You woke up at 6:20 and then went to bed again at 7-8am. I was so relieved to finally had a good long night of sleep. You might have awoken in the night, but I honestly don't remember. Today, Daddy tried to offer the bottle again, but it wasn't successful again. Daddy said that you slept for an hour in the morning, 2.5 hours in the afternoon. You went to sleep at 5:30, but woke up at 6:38 so we went to the 7pm mass. You were asleep for the night at 8:40. Tonight hasn't been smooth so far - hopefully it will turn out better (like last night). Maybe you are still teething as you are still crying even though you are asleep.
Today Mommy and Daddy just have an overwhelming sense of happiness with the presence of both of you in our lives. You give us so much meaning. We love you so so much. Sleep tight my loves.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
2nd day of preschool
Dear Khoa & MaiAn,
Today was Big Brother's 2nd day at preschool and Mommy and Little Sister sure miss Big Brother like crazy when we are just by ourselves. I keep thinking about what Big Brother would be doing right now all throughout the day.The sister said that you really missed Daddy today and wanted to wait for Daddy to ring the bell in the afternoon. You slept for about an hour and a half, which is less than you would at home, but hopefully you will learn to feel more secure and sleep longer as time goes on. My heart hurt so much when I heard that you are missing your family and home. I feel so terrible for putting you through this. I still have a month left of leave, and I am already putting you in preschool. It's because we don't know how you will adjust and things were just so rough at home with both of you needing a lot of my attention. I have so many mixed feelings, mainly guilt for putting you through this. I hope one day you will be able to understand and forgive me.
Little Sister's morning nap is still not quite set yet, but Mommy and Little Sister did take a 2:40 nap in the afternoon, which was very nice. In the morning, you only took a 30' nap, and a 50' nap, so Mommy will try to help you sleep longer in the morning. I try to force you, but you often vomit, so please cooperate with me my sweet dear daughter. Tonight was rough, you didn't fully fall asleep until 8:30 pm. I don't think you have ever been up that late. Don't know what was going on tonight that whatever I did to soothe you, you would not go to sleep. As a result, Mommy didn't get a chance to spend time with Big Brother at all. Maybe you sense that Mommy really wanted to get away so I can read book to Big Brother... Even though it has only been two hours, you have awoken a lot. Mommy is hoping this is just a phase and your sleep will improve in the coming days. Maybe you are teething??? You drool a lot during the day but you don't cry, so I am not sure. The fussiness is mainly at night, but it's not crying, it is just not sleeping. Some nights, I try to give you Tylenol, but you don't really like that either. I think last night was a little better than the previous night in that you woke up but went back to sleep sooner than the regular hour and a half like the previous three nights. I have been trying to walk you in the morning to improve your sleep too. We go on our usual walks as I think so much about Big Brother. I really miss Big Brother being at home and cannot wait to spend some personal time with Big Brother this weekend.
Little Sister's achievement so far:
Today was Big Brother's 2nd day at preschool and Mommy and Little Sister sure miss Big Brother like crazy when we are just by ourselves. I keep thinking about what Big Brother would be doing right now all throughout the day.The sister said that you really missed Daddy today and wanted to wait for Daddy to ring the bell in the afternoon. You slept for about an hour and a half, which is less than you would at home, but hopefully you will learn to feel more secure and sleep longer as time goes on. My heart hurt so much when I heard that you are missing your family and home. I feel so terrible for putting you through this. I still have a month left of leave, and I am already putting you in preschool. It's because we don't know how you will adjust and things were just so rough at home with both of you needing a lot of my attention. I have so many mixed feelings, mainly guilt for putting you through this. I hope one day you will be able to understand and forgive me.
Little Sister's morning nap is still not quite set yet, but Mommy and Little Sister did take a 2:40 nap in the afternoon, which was very nice. In the morning, you only took a 30' nap, and a 50' nap, so Mommy will try to help you sleep longer in the morning. I try to force you, but you often vomit, so please cooperate with me my sweet dear daughter. Tonight was rough, you didn't fully fall asleep until 8:30 pm. I don't think you have ever been up that late. Don't know what was going on tonight that whatever I did to soothe you, you would not go to sleep. As a result, Mommy didn't get a chance to spend time with Big Brother at all. Maybe you sense that Mommy really wanted to get away so I can read book to Big Brother... Even though it has only been two hours, you have awoken a lot. Mommy is hoping this is just a phase and your sleep will improve in the coming days. Maybe you are teething??? You drool a lot during the day but you don't cry, so I am not sure. The fussiness is mainly at night, but it's not crying, it is just not sleeping. Some nights, I try to give you Tylenol, but you don't really like that either. I think last night was a little better than the previous night in that you woke up but went back to sleep sooner than the regular hour and a half like the previous three nights. I have been trying to walk you in the morning to improve your sleep too. We go on our usual walks as I think so much about Big Brother. I really miss Big Brother being at home and cannot wait to spend some personal time with Big Brother this weekend.
Little Sister's achievement so far:
- love to look at yourself in the mirror or pictures of yourself.
- You would call out for Mommy every time you don't see Mommy.
- Rolling over and beginning to sit by herself – we prop you up and help support sitting up, and you are getting stronger, but not quite there yet. You are able to sit on the glider now. You are a champ at rolling
- Squeal, babble, laugh and cry very loudly
- May be afraid of unfamiliar people – you are all smiles when you are at home in your comfortable environment.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Big Brother's first day at preschool
Dear Khoa & MaiAn,
Big Brother went to his first day at preschool today and he didn't cry at all. Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you. The sister said that you keep saying "you are a big boy and that you are not going to cry". She said that you ask for Mommy and Daddy, but you also patiently waited for Daddy to come back to pick you up. Mommy and Little Sister were very worried about you at home. I think Little Sister totally sensed Mommy's anxiety so she kept waking up to make sure Mommy was still there with her (though my mind was with Big Brother in spirit). I keep on checking the time to see what you would be doing at the moment. I would imagine all your anxiety (as I was going through my own anxiety) and keep praying (so so hard) that your experience wouldn't be too traumatizing. I couldn't wait for the time you would come home. My heart melted when I heard your voice on the phone. I had missed you so much my dear little boy. You came home happy (though sleep deprived), but you seem to be your normal self. Mommy is planning to spend this weekend bonding with you again since when you come home is also when I have to put Little Sister to sleep. Watching you going to preschool is definitely one of the hardest thing I have to go through. Last night, I went to kiss you good night when you were sound asleep and just watching you peacefully sleeping is one of the best feeling in the world.
Little Sister and I had a low key day at home. It is so different without Big Brother - half of the time I didn't know what to do with myself. Little Sister is still doing the thirty minutes and then waking up on the dot. You also woke up for an hour and a half last night (3:41-past 5am) and was awake for the day at 7:30. You didn't sleep well today, multiples 30 minutes nap. Even when I forced you to sleep longer, you protested by vomiting. At the last nap, I had to put you in the Baby Bjorn (since the Moby is dirty from the morning vomiting) so that you would sleep longer. Hopefully you will outgrow the sleeping in the carrier phase. Well, I am thinking that we are still adjusting - hopefully tomorrow will be better. We all have to go through a lot of adjustment in the next month or so. I thought it was gonna be a rainy day but it turned out to be a very nice day and Mommy took Little Sister out for a walk to help you sleep (but it didn't happen). We missed your "third" nap because Mommy was too anxious waiting for Big Brother to come home. As a result, settling into your night time routine was rough too. and tonight, Mommy is praying that you don't wake up in the middle of the night. It is becoming a bad habit :( I love you very much anyway.
It has been an exciting day. Mommy will try to go to sleep early again to prepare for the night awakening again.
Much Love to my precious Son and Daughter
Big Brother went to his first day at preschool today and he didn't cry at all. Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you. The sister said that you keep saying "you are a big boy and that you are not going to cry". She said that you ask for Mommy and Daddy, but you also patiently waited for Daddy to come back to pick you up. Mommy and Little Sister were very worried about you at home. I think Little Sister totally sensed Mommy's anxiety so she kept waking up to make sure Mommy was still there with her (though my mind was with Big Brother in spirit). I keep on checking the time to see what you would be doing at the moment. I would imagine all your anxiety (as I was going through my own anxiety) and keep praying (so so hard) that your experience wouldn't be too traumatizing. I couldn't wait for the time you would come home. My heart melted when I heard your voice on the phone. I had missed you so much my dear little boy. You came home happy (though sleep deprived), but you seem to be your normal self. Mommy is planning to spend this weekend bonding with you again since when you come home is also when I have to put Little Sister to sleep. Watching you going to preschool is definitely one of the hardest thing I have to go through. Last night, I went to kiss you good night when you were sound asleep and just watching you peacefully sleeping is one of the best feeling in the world.
Little Sister and I had a low key day at home. It is so different without Big Brother - half of the time I didn't know what to do with myself. Little Sister is still doing the thirty minutes and then waking up on the dot. You also woke up for an hour and a half last night (3:41-past 5am) and was awake for the day at 7:30. You didn't sleep well today, multiples 30 minutes nap. Even when I forced you to sleep longer, you protested by vomiting. At the last nap, I had to put you in the Baby Bjorn (since the Moby is dirty from the morning vomiting) so that you would sleep longer. Hopefully you will outgrow the sleeping in the carrier phase. Well, I am thinking that we are still adjusting - hopefully tomorrow will be better. We all have to go through a lot of adjustment in the next month or so. I thought it was gonna be a rainy day but it turned out to be a very nice day and Mommy took Little Sister out for a walk to help you sleep (but it didn't happen). We missed your "third" nap because Mommy was too anxious waiting for Big Brother to come home. As a result, settling into your night time routine was rough too. and tonight, Mommy is praying that you don't wake up in the middle of the night. It is becoming a bad habit :( I love you very much anyway.
It has been an exciting day. Mommy will try to go to sleep early again to prepare for the night awakening again.
Much Love to my precious Son and Daughter
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Jealous big brother
Dear Khoa and Mai an,
So today was marked by a lot of hitting little sister. I am not sure why big brother is acting this way all of the sudden, but it is bad all together. Little sis has it rough the whole day. I think the total hours of sleep was only about three to the max. You were so tired by the end of the day, especially since big brother took a short nap and screamed loudly as soon as he woke up. For the last three nights, you have up at 2:38 (on the dot) to past 4 am just staring into the ceiling. Hopefully, this night waking will end soon, it is making mommy too exhausted. You have been so much more moody because of the many interruptions in your life - I keep hoping that you will adjust but you still won't so your life every day is very rough. We really have to start big brother in school (though that will bring so much heartache for mommy) so that at least little sis can have some quality time with mommy. Part of mommy will be with big brother and his crying struggle but what can we do? Mommy has been so stressed out again - why can our lives be easier? I thought things were getting better but now it's hard again. Tonight I tried to spend some quality time with big brother to let him know how much I love him, as much as I love little sis too.
Now onto cleaning and getting to bed early. Hopefully no more night owl for little sis.
Love, mommy
So today was marked by a lot of hitting little sister. I am not sure why big brother is acting this way all of the sudden, but it is bad all together. Little sis has it rough the whole day. I think the total hours of sleep was only about three to the max. You were so tired by the end of the day, especially since big brother took a short nap and screamed loudly as soon as he woke up. For the last three nights, you have up at 2:38 (on the dot) to past 4 am just staring into the ceiling. Hopefully, this night waking will end soon, it is making mommy too exhausted. You have been so much more moody because of the many interruptions in your life - I keep hoping that you will adjust but you still won't so your life every day is very rough. We really have to start big brother in school (though that will bring so much heartache for mommy) so that at least little sis can have some quality time with mommy. Part of mommy will be with big brother and his crying struggle but what can we do? Mommy has been so stressed out again - why can our lives be easier? I thought things were getting better but now it's hard again. Tonight I tried to spend some quality time with big brother to let him know how much I love him, as much as I love little sis too.
Now onto cleaning and getting to bed early. Hopefully no more night owl for little sis.
Love, mommy
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Emotional breakdown
Dear Khoa & MaiAn,
Mommy has really lost it (I even cried today because I was so desperate) the last few days as Big Brother continues with nap resistance to no end. I truly understand what postpartum depression or stress is now. Mommy has even resorted to hitting you on the hand because you continuously hit Little Sister, especially when I am holding her to sleep. Today, you continue to scream loudly into her ears while she is sleeping. I really tried to keep it cool and try not to let it affect me, but I lost my temper again. I never even realized that I can lose my temper that much - it is such a horrible side of me that I have never seen in myself. I don't want you to unravel this side of me, but what can we do? Mommy is thinking that we have to send you to school, which might backfire too. On the one hand, you will be able to learn more; and perhaps you will not display nap resistance with your teachers at preschool. Or you can totally regress and everything will be worse??? Earlier in the week, you were sleeping three hours nap, but yesterday and today, you sleep much less. Today was two hours to the dot. I think things might be better had Little Sister had not grown ever so sensitive to noise. You wake up at the tiniest sound, so much that Mommy is not eating while you sleep fearing that you will hear my heating up food. I sometimes go for 24 hours straight without eating, and I don't even feel hungry (the stress is keeping full?). This week has been rough for your morning nap because you keep taking 30 minutes nap (simply because you cannot take it any longer and crash down). It is only in the afternoon while Big Brother that you are able to sleep one real nap (of course with Mommy holding you). At night earlier this week, you were able to fall asleep easily, but the last two days were rough. I think it is because you didn't get a long afternoon nap (since Big Brother took shorter nap). You used to be able to sleep through it all, but your nap schedule is totally dependent on your brother's schedule.
On a brighter note, Little Sister has fully mastered flipping over (there is not even a question about it). Every time I set you down, you would flip over instantly and remain stuck there. You will soon learn to do a full flip and then we will be trouble with the fear of you falling down. You are also so good at grasping things now. Big Brother loves to hand you things so you can hold them. Sometimes, the object is too big so you can't hold on to everything but you sure try. The lack of sleep is making you fussy when you are tired, otherwise you are still so sweet. Just looking at you make me feel so happy, even though I have been so stressed out.
Today, we were standing outside the fire station when a fireman offers Big Brother the chance to go inside the firetruck to see what's going on. It was a fun experience, though Big Brother was simply overwhelmed, but was still very excited. Maybe on another day, you will be more adventurous and even try to be a firefighter. You had all kind of questions (afterward of course), but you love the hat that the fireman gave you and spent almost an hour just observing the firetrucks as they were doing a drill. Your shyness again confirms to me that you really are not ready for school, but we might have to send you soon, something Mommy will have heartache again.
Please always remember that Mommy loves you both very much, despite all the stress that I am going through.
Mommy has really lost it (I even cried today because I was so desperate) the last few days as Big Brother continues with nap resistance to no end. I truly understand what postpartum depression or stress is now. Mommy has even resorted to hitting you on the hand because you continuously hit Little Sister, especially when I am holding her to sleep. Today, you continue to scream loudly into her ears while she is sleeping. I really tried to keep it cool and try not to let it affect me, but I lost my temper again. I never even realized that I can lose my temper that much - it is such a horrible side of me that I have never seen in myself. I don't want you to unravel this side of me, but what can we do? Mommy is thinking that we have to send you to school, which might backfire too. On the one hand, you will be able to learn more; and perhaps you will not display nap resistance with your teachers at preschool. Or you can totally regress and everything will be worse??? Earlier in the week, you were sleeping three hours nap, but yesterday and today, you sleep much less. Today was two hours to the dot. I think things might be better had Little Sister had not grown ever so sensitive to noise. You wake up at the tiniest sound, so much that Mommy is not eating while you sleep fearing that you will hear my heating up food. I sometimes go for 24 hours straight without eating, and I don't even feel hungry (the stress is keeping full?). This week has been rough for your morning nap because you keep taking 30 minutes nap (simply because you cannot take it any longer and crash down). It is only in the afternoon while Big Brother that you are able to sleep one real nap (of course with Mommy holding you). At night earlier this week, you were able to fall asleep easily, but the last two days were rough. I think it is because you didn't get a long afternoon nap (since Big Brother took shorter nap). You used to be able to sleep through it all, but your nap schedule is totally dependent on your brother's schedule.
On a brighter note, Little Sister has fully mastered flipping over (there is not even a question about it). Every time I set you down, you would flip over instantly and remain stuck there. You will soon learn to do a full flip and then we will be trouble with the fear of you falling down. You are also so good at grasping things now. Big Brother loves to hand you things so you can hold them. Sometimes, the object is too big so you can't hold on to everything but you sure try. The lack of sleep is making you fussy when you are tired, otherwise you are still so sweet. Just looking at you make me feel so happy, even though I have been so stressed out.
Today, we were standing outside the fire station when a fireman offers Big Brother the chance to go inside the firetruck to see what's going on. It was a fun experience, though Big Brother was simply overwhelmed, but was still very excited. Maybe on another day, you will be more adventurous and even try to be a firefighter. You had all kind of questions (afterward of course), but you love the hat that the fireman gave you and spent almost an hour just observing the firetrucks as they were doing a drill. Your shyness again confirms to me that you really are not ready for school, but we might have to send you soon, something Mommy will have heartache again.
Please always remember that Mommy loves you both very much, despite all the stress that I am going through.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Dear Khoa and Mai an,
It suddenly occurs to me that my writing is really composed of mostly stress, so I will attempt to write more happy things hoping that it will be more pleasurable to read later on. Today was similar to yesterday as far as stress level. Things would be a lot better if little sister is able to nap longer than 30' in the morning. I guess I can't blame her since we are outside and there are too many distractions. I am going to try the method of nursing outside tomorrow to see how things would go (this is the epiphany of the day for Mommy). If Little Sister can sleep longer in the morning, we can avoid all the fussiness while Mommy is trying to put Big Brother to sleep. And more sleep is better for all of us. Big Brother gave up the battle at 2:15pm, after a lot of yelling from Mommy of course. Luckily, Big Brother has been napping for three hours for three days in a row, hoping that you will keep sleeping this much. The thought of sending you to preschool is still ruminating - I am not sure how we will proceed. I know that I have to send you eventually (at least by this time next month), but it is so scary. I am so afraid of what will happen, but I know that I need to spend more time to help Little Sister sleep. It's such a difficult decision - how long can I hold on to both of you for?
Random cuteness:
1) I did some research and it turns out that thumbsucking is the need to relax, so perhaps Mommy will need to help Little Sister relax so that you don't resort to thumbsucking (so frequently now)
2) Big Brother reading to Little Sister every time the three of us sit down to read together
3) Big Brother singing all the time all the songs, especially when you intentionally sing the antonym of a word in a song
4) Big Brother pointing to the different vehicles on the streets, so proud that you know them all
5) Big Brother comes to Mommy and hug her legs to let her know that you need her
There are many more cuteness moments but they always escape Mommy when she is writing; they only appear when I am lying in bed unable to sleep. I will try to document it down so I will remember.
It was an easy night for Little Sister to go down today too, hoping for more of the same. We shared many precious laughs when it's just the two of us. You woke up at 7:10 today (almost 13 hours of sleep & less of night screaming) and the first thought that came to my mind was I just want to spend all the time in the world with you and only you, but I must make you share it with the chaos of Big Brother's presence too (which is precious in its own way too).
I love you both so so much.
It suddenly occurs to me that my writing is really composed of mostly stress, so I will attempt to write more happy things hoping that it will be more pleasurable to read later on. Today was similar to yesterday as far as stress level. Things would be a lot better if little sister is able to nap longer than 30' in the morning. I guess I can't blame her since we are outside and there are too many distractions. I am going to try the method of nursing outside tomorrow to see how things would go (this is the epiphany of the day for Mommy). If Little Sister can sleep longer in the morning, we can avoid all the fussiness while Mommy is trying to put Big Brother to sleep. And more sleep is better for all of us. Big Brother gave up the battle at 2:15pm, after a lot of yelling from Mommy of course. Luckily, Big Brother has been napping for three hours for three days in a row, hoping that you will keep sleeping this much. The thought of sending you to preschool is still ruminating - I am not sure how we will proceed. I know that I have to send you eventually (at least by this time next month), but it is so scary. I am so afraid of what will happen, but I know that I need to spend more time to help Little Sister sleep. It's such a difficult decision - how long can I hold on to both of you for?
Random cuteness:
1) I did some research and it turns out that thumbsucking is the need to relax, so perhaps Mommy will need to help Little Sister relax so that you don't resort to thumbsucking (so frequently now)
2) Big Brother reading to Little Sister every time the three of us sit down to read together
3) Big Brother singing all the time all the songs, especially when you intentionally sing the antonym of a word in a song
4) Big Brother pointing to the different vehicles on the streets, so proud that you know them all
5) Big Brother comes to Mommy and hug her legs to let her know that you need her
There are many more cuteness moments but they always escape Mommy when she is writing; they only appear when I am lying in bed unable to sleep. I will try to document it down so I will remember.
It was an easy night for Little Sister to go down today too, hoping for more of the same. We shared many precious laughs when it's just the two of us. You woke up at 7:10 today (almost 13 hours of sleep & less of night screaming) and the first thought that came to my mind was I just want to spend all the time in the world with you and only you, but I must make you share it with the chaos of Big Brother's presence too (which is precious in its own way too).
I love you both so so much.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Rough Day
Dear Khoa and Mai An,
Today was another rough day with both of you refusing to sleep; Big Brother wanted to play and read while Little Sister was way too overtired (as you were yesterday too). it's unfortunate but mommy has to force little sister to sleep in the afternoon (you have to adjust to your brother's sleep hours). I guess the other good thing is that Big Brother has been taking longer naps (close to three hours) so both of you are sleeping in the afternoon for a long time while Mommy gets a little break. Luckily, Little Sister was super easy at nighttime today (6:20 vs. the 8:41 pm bedtime yesterday). The last week has been rough at night; you always wake up screaming as if you are in pain (maybe from teething?) constantly. I honestly lost count at how many times you woke up. Because yesterday was such a crazy day, Mommy slept in with Little Sister all the way until the morning (11 hours).
I have been really stressed out lately while taking care the two of you. I keep praying that you both would cooperate and sleep as much as you are supposed to, hopefully one day you both will be ideal and do just as that. The other new thing is that Little Sister has discovered her thumb and keeps sucking on it constantly. I don't know how to stop it - hopefully you will stop and take the pacifier instead. You are such an angel when you sleep fully. You have mastered flipping to one side now and sit up temporarily (a few seconds and then you would come crashing down). Sweetest moment is when you would look at me in the eye when I am breastfeeding you and the most peaceful/ trustworthy eyes looking back at me. I feel terrible that I must leave you lying there (sometimes without even seeing me) most of the time when I have to attend to your brother. I never did that when I was taking care of your brother.
Big Brother had fun playing on the artificial grass in the park nearby our complex this morning and ate well at lunch. However, nap didn't take place until 2:37, which is why you are up late tonight. The sweetest moment today was when you were out with Daddy and you saw me upon coming back and you ran to me and hugged me and screamed out for Mommy. You are very sweet, though very rebellious at this age. You still do everything the opposite way that I ask you to. You are showing a lot of jealousy (hitting your sister five times during the time when I was trying to put you down for nap). You would always want me to hold you instead of little sister, too. You are still quite shy around strangers, but such a "big/happy/glee boy" around familiar people. You are very smart at connecting ideas and thoughts (intentionally saying the wrong thing and correcting it yourself saying that mommy got it all wrong). For example, you would switch mommy and daddy's name, as well as yours and little sister's name.
I think that's it for tonight. Mommy is pretty tired. Praying for a better day tomorrow :)
Love, Mommy
Today was another rough day with both of you refusing to sleep; Big Brother wanted to play and read while Little Sister was way too overtired (as you were yesterday too). it's unfortunate but mommy has to force little sister to sleep in the afternoon (you have to adjust to your brother's sleep hours). I guess the other good thing is that Big Brother has been taking longer naps (close to three hours) so both of you are sleeping in the afternoon for a long time while Mommy gets a little break. Luckily, Little Sister was super easy at nighttime today (6:20 vs. the 8:41 pm bedtime yesterday). The last week has been rough at night; you always wake up screaming as if you are in pain (maybe from teething?) constantly. I honestly lost count at how many times you woke up. Because yesterday was such a crazy day, Mommy slept in with Little Sister all the way until the morning (11 hours).
I have been really stressed out lately while taking care the two of you. I keep praying that you both would cooperate and sleep as much as you are supposed to, hopefully one day you both will be ideal and do just as that. The other new thing is that Little Sister has discovered her thumb and keeps sucking on it constantly. I don't know how to stop it - hopefully you will stop and take the pacifier instead. You are such an angel when you sleep fully. You have mastered flipping to one side now and sit up temporarily (a few seconds and then you would come crashing down). Sweetest moment is when you would look at me in the eye when I am breastfeeding you and the most peaceful/ trustworthy eyes looking back at me. I feel terrible that I must leave you lying there (sometimes without even seeing me) most of the time when I have to attend to your brother. I never did that when I was taking care of your brother.
Big Brother had fun playing on the artificial grass in the park nearby our complex this morning and ate well at lunch. However, nap didn't take place until 2:37, which is why you are up late tonight. The sweetest moment today was when you were out with Daddy and you saw me upon coming back and you ran to me and hugged me and screamed out for Mommy. You are very sweet, though very rebellious at this age. You still do everything the opposite way that I ask you to. You are showing a lot of jealousy (hitting your sister five times during the time when I was trying to put you down for nap). You would always want me to hold you instead of little sister, too. You are still quite shy around strangers, but such a "big/happy/glee boy" around familiar people. You are very smart at connecting ideas and thoughts (intentionally saying the wrong thing and correcting it yourself saying that mommy got it all wrong). For example, you would switch mommy and daddy's name, as well as yours and little sister's name.
I think that's it for tonight. Mommy is pretty tired. Praying for a better day tomorrow :)
Love, Mommy
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Daylight saving madness
Dear Khoa and Mai an,
Today is the beginning of daylight saving, which makes this day even more stressful. I guess it's because big brother had a big vomiting episode aftera big lunch, which frustrated mommy to no end. This frustration is compounded by the fact that little sister was only able to get a 30' nap all morning and was being extremely fussy due to being so overtired. After giving you a bath and feeding you again, we went to bed for nap, at which your favorite activities would be picking on your sister while she sleep-crashes. You got some spanking, out of mummy's frustration, which mommy feels really bad about. You also vomited everything up last night when you were so sleepy and was cranky-crying so the last 24 hrs have certainly been rough. Right now, little sister is still sleep crashing and so are you. Hopefully you both remain asleep for a long time and get the rest you need, until daddy come home from his training and take over. Mommy was hoping to get some sleep but it seems that little sister still wants to sleep in her moby so here I am standing and blogging. Here's to a better night, my loves. I love you both very much despite being so stressed out today.
Love, mommy
Today is the beginning of daylight saving, which makes this day even more stressful. I guess it's because big brother had a big vomiting episode aftera big lunch, which frustrated mommy to no end. This frustration is compounded by the fact that little sister was only able to get a 30' nap all morning and was being extremely fussy due to being so overtired. After giving you a bath and feeding you again, we went to bed for nap, at which your favorite activities would be picking on your sister while she sleep-crashes. You got some spanking, out of mummy's frustration, which mommy feels really bad about. You also vomited everything up last night when you were so sleepy and was cranky-crying so the last 24 hrs have certainly been rough. Right now, little sister is still sleep crashing and so are you. Hopefully you both remain asleep for a long time and get the rest you need, until daddy come home from his training and take over. Mommy was hoping to get some sleep but it seems that little sister still wants to sleep in her moby so here I am standing and blogging. Here's to a better night, my loves. I love you both very much despite being so stressed out today.
Love, mommy
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Mommy and big brother bonding day
Dear Khoa and Mai an,
Since today is Saturday, daddy was able to stay home to watch little sister while mommy took big brother to Emma prusch farm park for a morning of fun. We had a great time playing on the different farm vehicles and observed all the animals. At first, little brother was very shy but you eventually warmed up and were not scared at all. You were able to relate all the animals that you are familiar with from the iPad app to the real live animal in front of you. You loved watching the different animals and even call out the animals when you recognize them (rabbit like the rabbit in the Peter rabbit book). We tried some petting and feeding the animals but you were not up to that yet, maybe we will try later when little sister is older. We also saw cows, sheep, goat in the big farm house. lAfter that, we went to the nearby park for you to do some climbing but it was a big kid park so we didn't get to do a lot (step was too high, slide too was too high). You had fun watching the other bigger kids play (very roughly though). We also tried the big swing, which was too big for you too, but you were brave and had fun trying it. Then, we walked over to the garden of fruit trees when you said asked mommy, is this garden like mr Gregor's garden in the book, which made mommy so proud of you. Mommy will definitely try to read more with you as you are so smart as to link/associate things.
After the park, we went to Costco for a quick grocery run. It was way too crowded so we didn't have a lot of time to interact and learn, but we tried some samples and you had fun people watching. You settled into your nap easily, probably because you were tired from the day's activities. Tonight, daddy will take you to a party so mommy will miss being with you. I just want to tell you that you are so sweet and spending one on one time with you is just so precious. Just being with you make mommy feel like the difficulty/stress of parenting is all worth it.
While at home, little sister napped with daddy and was given the chance to try the bottle again. We made some progress with half an ounce, hopefully you will eventually take the whole bottle so mommy will feel at ease while being away from you at work. You had the biggest smile on your face when you saw mommy and big brother coming home. I miss being with you too but we have to separate you from big brother so you will at least get some peace and quiet. You immediately took a nap while mommy was nursing you, but that only lasted for 40'. Right now, you are getting another nap, almost an hour and a half now, in the moby, since the house is still quiet. Thank goodness big brother is getting a long nap today vs the hour and a half naps the previous two days. The good news is we don't have nap battle anymore, which helps with mommy's stress level. We still have to work on little sister's napping longer when mommy and big brother is out and about in the morning and how to get both of you sleeping at the same time in the afternoon.
Despite being very tired taking care of both of you, mommy still feels so much love just seeing your faces and being with you. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world and nothing gives mommy more happiness than spending time with each and both of you. Sometimes I do feel so tired but I shall remember these moments of both of you, just being your precious selves. Both of you are so wonderful. I love you both so much.
Mommy
Since today is Saturday, daddy was able to stay home to watch little sister while mommy took big brother to Emma prusch farm park for a morning of fun. We had a great time playing on the different farm vehicles and observed all the animals. At first, little brother was very shy but you eventually warmed up and were not scared at all. You were able to relate all the animals that you are familiar with from the iPad app to the real live animal in front of you. You loved watching the different animals and even call out the animals when you recognize them (rabbit like the rabbit in the Peter rabbit book). We tried some petting and feeding the animals but you were not up to that yet, maybe we will try later when little sister is older. We also saw cows, sheep, goat in the big farm house. lAfter that, we went to the nearby park for you to do some climbing but it was a big kid park so we didn't get to do a lot (step was too high, slide too was too high). You had fun watching the other bigger kids play (very roughly though). We also tried the big swing, which was too big for you too, but you were brave and had fun trying it. Then, we walked over to the garden of fruit trees when you said asked mommy, is this garden like mr Gregor's garden in the book, which made mommy so proud of you. Mommy will definitely try to read more with you as you are so smart as to link/associate things.
After the park, we went to Costco for a quick grocery run. It was way too crowded so we didn't have a lot of time to interact and learn, but we tried some samples and you had fun people watching. You settled into your nap easily, probably because you were tired from the day's activities. Tonight, daddy will take you to a party so mommy will miss being with you. I just want to tell you that you are so sweet and spending one on one time with you is just so precious. Just being with you make mommy feel like the difficulty/stress of parenting is all worth it.
While at home, little sister napped with daddy and was given the chance to try the bottle again. We made some progress with half an ounce, hopefully you will eventually take the whole bottle so mommy will feel at ease while being away from you at work. You had the biggest smile on your face when you saw mommy and big brother coming home. I miss being with you too but we have to separate you from big brother so you will at least get some peace and quiet. You immediately took a nap while mommy was nursing you, but that only lasted for 40'. Right now, you are getting another nap, almost an hour and a half now, in the moby, since the house is still quiet. Thank goodness big brother is getting a long nap today vs the hour and a half naps the previous two days. The good news is we don't have nap battle anymore, which helps with mommy's stress level. We still have to work on little sister's napping longer when mommy and big brother is out and about in the morning and how to get both of you sleeping at the same time in the afternoon.
Despite being very tired taking care of both of you, mommy still feels so much love just seeing your faces and being with you. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world and nothing gives mommy more happiness than spending time with each and both of you. Sometimes I do feel so tired but I shall remember these moments of both of you, just being your precious selves. Both of you are so wonderful. I love you both so much.
Mommy
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Dear Khoa & MaiAn,
When I first started writing this blog, i was aiming for daily, but now that seems to be a far reaching goal. Sheer exhaustion at the end of the day makes it impossible, so it is turning out to be more like a weekly entry. Last weekend was good in terms of sleeping for both of you. On the weekend, Little Sister has more one-on-one time with Mommy and Big Brother with Daddy.
In the morning, Mommy took Big Brother to do a lot of errands (farmer's market & Costco) while Little Sister stay home to bond with Daddy. Mommy wanted to bring Big Brother to a park for bonding, but it was such a cloudy morning that I fear rain was coming. We had a lot of fun trying on the samples at Costco and walking up and down the aisles. You had fun exploring a different place and asked a lot of questions about things that you observed. You also enjoyed looking at all the different cars and big trucks that pass by in the parking lot, and the post office trucks next to the Costco parking. You are constantly fascinated by cars and trains (or any vehicle actually). You even bring cars to sleep and wake up smiling if I offer you one of your favorite cars. You like to line them up (parking them in the garage you would say). You would line your trains up too (a really long line). Every time you come home, you would immediately rush to your cars. Right now, you love watching marching bands on Youtube.
This whole week was okay in terms that Big Brother doesn't put up much fuss about nap anymore. The battle usually ends at around 1:30 (vs. 2:30 or 3 the week before), with Wednesday ending at 12:38. The nap would last anywhere from 2 to 3 hours. In the morning, we always go outside for fresh air and change of scenery. Imagine what it would be like if we have to be inside all day. We are still wandering around the neighborhood. I am sure the neighbors must think that we three are "nuts", but whatever. Big Brother's fascination with cars definitely give Mommy some time to pay attention to Little Sister, who have definitely transitioned to a three naps schedule (though the time does vary greatly). I also notice that Little Sister is definitely settling into 12 hour night time too. If you were to go to bed at around 5:30, you would wake at around 5:30 in the morning, but at the time Mommy is too exhausted to play, so you would just lie there by yourself. You definitely don't get as much nap as you would if the house was quiet, but I suppose not too bad these days. You are sleeping about 3.5 to 4.5 hours in the daytime; they do get interrupted, but I am trying to settle you in. Big Brother does love to interact with you a lot these days since you are showing so many signs of communication, whether it is smiling, crying, laughing out loud. I cannot wait for you to sit up, walk, and see how much fun it is to watch the two of you.
Big Brother will start preschool soon, a scary thought again for all of us. We are still thinking about/shopping for the best school. It is so scary to send you off to a stranger, so Mom and Dad want to make sure it is the best environment for you. It is a decision that Mommy thinks about so much, wanting it to be least scary for you, and for all of us, and Mommy keeps praying that you will be okay (even though I know we will all cry a lot). Mommy keeps drilling the thought of school into your head, hoping that you will understand.
When I first started writing this blog, i was aiming for daily, but now that seems to be a far reaching goal. Sheer exhaustion at the end of the day makes it impossible, so it is turning out to be more like a weekly entry. Last weekend was good in terms of sleeping for both of you. On the weekend, Little Sister has more one-on-one time with Mommy and Big Brother with Daddy.
In the morning, Mommy took Big Brother to do a lot of errands (farmer's market & Costco) while Little Sister stay home to bond with Daddy. Mommy wanted to bring Big Brother to a park for bonding, but it was such a cloudy morning that I fear rain was coming. We had a lot of fun trying on the samples at Costco and walking up and down the aisles. You had fun exploring a different place and asked a lot of questions about things that you observed. You also enjoyed looking at all the different cars and big trucks that pass by in the parking lot, and the post office trucks next to the Costco parking. You are constantly fascinated by cars and trains (or any vehicle actually). You even bring cars to sleep and wake up smiling if I offer you one of your favorite cars. You like to line them up (parking them in the garage you would say). You would line your trains up too (a really long line). Every time you come home, you would immediately rush to your cars. Right now, you love watching marching bands on Youtube.
This whole week was okay in terms that Big Brother doesn't put up much fuss about nap anymore. The battle usually ends at around 1:30 (vs. 2:30 or 3 the week before), with Wednesday ending at 12:38. The nap would last anywhere from 2 to 3 hours. In the morning, we always go outside for fresh air and change of scenery. Imagine what it would be like if we have to be inside all day. We are still wandering around the neighborhood. I am sure the neighbors must think that we three are "nuts", but whatever. Big Brother's fascination with cars definitely give Mommy some time to pay attention to Little Sister, who have definitely transitioned to a three naps schedule (though the time does vary greatly). I also notice that Little Sister is definitely settling into 12 hour night time too. If you were to go to bed at around 5:30, you would wake at around 5:30 in the morning, but at the time Mommy is too exhausted to play, so you would just lie there by yourself. You definitely don't get as much nap as you would if the house was quiet, but I suppose not too bad these days. You are sleeping about 3.5 to 4.5 hours in the daytime; they do get interrupted, but I am trying to settle you in. Big Brother does love to interact with you a lot these days since you are showing so many signs of communication, whether it is smiling, crying, laughing out loud. I cannot wait for you to sit up, walk, and see how much fun it is to watch the two of you.
Big Brother will start preschool soon, a scary thought again for all of us. We are still thinking about/shopping for the best school. It is so scary to send you off to a stranger, so Mom and Dad want to make sure it is the best environment for you. It is a decision that Mommy thinks about so much, wanting it to be least scary for you, and for all of us, and Mommy keeps praying that you will be okay (even though I know we will all cry a lot). Mommy keeps drilling the thought of school into your head, hoping that you will understand.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Dear Khoa & MaiAn,
Today was a Saturday so Big Brother hung out with Daddy all day while Mommy devoted all her time to Little Sister. Daddy always take Big Brother to many fun places, and as a result, you always come back very exhausted from all the running around. Today is the first Saturday of the month which means Daddy took you to Home Depot and you built a race car today. We are also completing the paperwork for preschool for you, a prospect that is most scary to Mommy for the longest time. I don't think I am ever ready for you to be apart from me, but Daddy said I must let go, so I am praying so so much that it will be a good thing for you. I know it's going to be difficult for you to adjust. I can just imagine the tears - I wish there's something else I can do to make it better for you, but I simply cannot protect you from everything. Monday will be a scary day for Mommy too. You took a long nap of three hours today, something you haven't done in a while and woke up very happy. After dinner, Daddy took you to church. I am proud of how well you have grown - you just give me so much happiness that you cannot even imagine. I love how you come to me when you are scare holding my hand. I love how you sing to me, how you tell me stories about the places that you have gone and the things you have done while you were away from me briefly. I love how you adore your little sister and teach her all these things that you know.
Little Sister slept better today but not as much as mommy would hope. You constantly wake up in the wee hour of the night these days, not sure why, and I am hoping it will stop soon so that Mommy would be less exhausted. For the day, you woke at 7:10. We went over to play with Big Brother and Daddy and you went back to sleep briefly for about 45 minutes. And then, you took another two hours nap from 10-12, and then another 1:40 nap from 1:40-3:20. And then for the night at around 5:30. Hopefully, it will be a smooth night; seem so long ago when we have a good night (maybe the night that we got back from southern california). I tried leaving you unswaddled a few nights ago, but you didn't sleep well at all, so we are back to swaddling. Today's favorite moment is when Mommy was trying "walk" Little Sister (which you loved) and Big Brother joined along, and of course when all four of us lying next to each other. Your rash is still here (almost two months now); we went to the doctor yesterday but they still think it's fungal, so we are on miconazole. Hopefully it will be gone soon. You are very talkative and loud (yikes) but cute these days. Your are so alert, and we know for sure you can stay up really long. Since Big Brother will be in school in the morning, Mommy will able to devote more time to you, and maybe your sleep will get into a routine. We try to train bottle feeding, but haven't work out so far.
Love you both so much.
Today was a Saturday so Big Brother hung out with Daddy all day while Mommy devoted all her time to Little Sister. Daddy always take Big Brother to many fun places, and as a result, you always come back very exhausted from all the running around. Today is the first Saturday of the month which means Daddy took you to Home Depot and you built a race car today. We are also completing the paperwork for preschool for you, a prospect that is most scary to Mommy for the longest time. I don't think I am ever ready for you to be apart from me, but Daddy said I must let go, so I am praying so so much that it will be a good thing for you. I know it's going to be difficult for you to adjust. I can just imagine the tears - I wish there's something else I can do to make it better for you, but I simply cannot protect you from everything. Monday will be a scary day for Mommy too. You took a long nap of three hours today, something you haven't done in a while and woke up very happy. After dinner, Daddy took you to church. I am proud of how well you have grown - you just give me so much happiness that you cannot even imagine. I love how you come to me when you are scare holding my hand. I love how you sing to me, how you tell me stories about the places that you have gone and the things you have done while you were away from me briefly. I love how you adore your little sister and teach her all these things that you know.
Little Sister slept better today but not as much as mommy would hope. You constantly wake up in the wee hour of the night these days, not sure why, and I am hoping it will stop soon so that Mommy would be less exhausted. For the day, you woke at 7:10. We went over to play with Big Brother and Daddy and you went back to sleep briefly for about 45 minutes. And then, you took another two hours nap from 10-12, and then another 1:40 nap from 1:40-3:20. And then for the night at around 5:30. Hopefully, it will be a smooth night; seem so long ago when we have a good night (maybe the night that we got back from southern california). I tried leaving you unswaddled a few nights ago, but you didn't sleep well at all, so we are back to swaddling. Today's favorite moment is when Mommy was trying "walk" Little Sister (which you loved) and Big Brother joined along, and of course when all four of us lying next to each other. Your rash is still here (almost two months now); we went to the doctor yesterday but they still think it's fungal, so we are on miconazole. Hopefully it will be gone soon. You are very talkative and loud (yikes) but cute these days. Your are so alert, and we know for sure you can stay up really long. Since Big Brother will be in school in the morning, Mommy will able to devote more time to you, and maybe your sleep will get into a routine. We try to train bottle feeding, but haven't work out so far.
Love you both so much.
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